Drop the Dagger and Lather the Blood On Your Hands
by Cannibal Glow
Summary: “Frig off. You’re not exploding out of your jeans right now.” I complained, adjusting my belt so it didn’t kill my insides. Gerard got a sly smile on his face. “You want me to be?” ' Frerard.
1. Chapter 1

**Adoring fans! Or not! Whoever's reading this, it's my new attempt at Frerard. **

**DISCLAIMINATOR: Don't own MCR or their adventures. This is just the ramblings of a teenage girl. Haaave fun.**

I loosened the tie's stranglehold around my neck. _God damn_, I thought. _Music videos suck! Especially when you have to wear a stupid tie and be a stupid schoolboy having stupid sandwiches thrown at your head. _

I checked my watch. Crap. I still had a whole afternoon left of this. At least we got to be in a garage. Hopefully with air conditioning.

"Frankaaaay!"

I turned at the drawn-out version of my nickname to see Gerard. His uniform matched mine, although his tie was perfect. Actually, everything about him was perfect. His hair always stayed in place, while mine had a stupid, weird curl. He could wear a tie and still look perfectly godly, while I looked like a freak.

"Oh, uh," I swallowed. "Hi, Gerard."

He smiled and sat down on the grass next to me. "Where's your school spirit?" he asked, pulling on my tie, which was hanging around my neck, undone.

"Back in fifth grade where it belongs."

"Hey, that's no attitude for a schoolboy. Aren't they supposed to be like… enthusiastic and stuff?"

"I guess." I shrugged.

"Here." Gerard knelt in front of me and started to retie my tie in a way that didn't strangle me. He was kind of mothering in a way sometimes. Actually all the time. And to me especially.

"Thanks, Gee." I felt my face go warm.

"Anytime. So, do you blush every time someone ties your tie or is it just me?" Gerard smirked at me.

"Um, no. I was just thinking of something else."

"Ah, of course. I flattered myself."

I didn't know what to make of that.

Mikey came along then and sat beside Gerard. "What's up, guys?"

"Oh, not a lot. Just had to retie Frank's tie for him since he's too much of a baby to keep it on." Gerard punched my shoulder lightly and I smiled.

"Cool."

"Yeah. You?"

"I just tried out croquet. What the hell is the point of that game?!"

I shrugged. "Got me. All I know is you hit the little ball with the little mallet and get it in the little arc."

"Sounds like your kinda game, Frank!" Ray boomed from a few yards away. He was the tallest one in the band, and he liked to make that obvious.

"Ah, shaddap." I mumbled, crossing my arms.

Bob was walking along nonchalantly and, seeing where we all were, he came over too. "What's Frank so mad about?"

"He's pissed off 'cause he's short." Mikey said snidely. I shot him a look. Hopefully it was menacing.

"Hey, guys. Stop that. It's not Frank's fault that he's, um, vertically challenged." Gerard looked back at me, pride written on his face. I tried to keep myself from blushing, but that didn't work out so well.

We were told we had to go back to filming the garage part of the video, and I was extremely thankful to get out of my school uniform, no matter how nicely Gerard had tied my tie. Speak of the devil, he came jogging beside me when I was about to go change.

"Frank," he said, "do you have blushing issues or something? 'Cause you do it a whole lot."

I felt myself get even warmer. "Um, I probably do. And it's hot out and stuff…"

"Oh. Uh-huh." Gerard nodded, his usual smile plastered on his face. "Well, I should go get out of this stuff." He tugged his jacket and away he went in the opposite direction. I got a little bit sad, actually, and I had no idea why.

In the bathroom, I tugged on a black t-shirt and jeans, instantly comfortable. In the garage, Gerard was messing around with the microphone, burgundy shadows around his eyes. Defying my weak knees, I walked in and picked up my guitar. I felt more myself when I was playing it. I know it was unplugged and we were just going through the movements, but it was like home to me. I listened to the track, walking around and fake-strumming.

_I'm telling you the truth, I mean this, I'M OKAY!_

I hopped over to Gerard and kissed him on the cheek briefly. It would look pretty cool with the way the shoot was going. That was the normal explanation, right? Not that I wanted to get my thrill for a second, because that would sound desperate. So I decided to stick with explanation number one. No matter how falsified it was.

After the cameras were off, and we were packing up, Gerard confronted me for the second time in a day. "So," he said, "what was up with that kiss?"

"It looked cool, didn't it? You know, cinematography and such. Plus, it fends off the homophobes."

Gerard nodded at me, though it didn't look like he believed me. I disregarded him and put my guitar in the back of our van. "Yeah," he said at length, "but the homophobes don't have anything to be scared of… do they?"

I spun to face him. "Did you seriously just ask me if I was gay? Look, Gerard. One thing to help the feel of the video. Come on, dude."

"Yeah, no, I'm sorry. But you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

"I'm not having this conversation, Gerard." I slammed the back of the van shut and walked away. I hated to come off as angry, but what else could I have said? '_Yeah, I've actually got this big gay crush on you and I kissed you because I really did want to. Fuck the video, fuck the band, it was selfish. So what'd you have for lunch today?' _Pfft. Yeah. That'd go over well. I'd get a punch in the face and band demotion to roadie. Okay, maybe that's a lie, but they wouldn't treat me the same. Accepting as they were, that was one thing I had to keep to myself. I hadn't told anyone in my entire life, I think I could keep that up for a while longer.

"Dude," Mikey said, suddenly beside me, "what'd you do to Gerard? He's all mopey."

"_I _didn't do anything. He brought it on himself." I hopped in the back seat of the van and shut my eyes. It wasn't long before Gerard made his way into my head like always. I sighed and let my head fall back as my thoughts made their usual pattern. Gerard kissing me, my neck, my chest, making his way down to my hips, making sure to kiss every part of me. He'd have to flip his hair out of his face, and I would laugh. Though the laughing didn't last very long because Gerard was eager, and so was I. I managed to wiggle out of my favourite skinnies without even undoing them and he'd put his tongue-

"Frank?" A convulsion ripped through my limp body from someone shaking my shoulder. The someone from my fantasies, actually.

"Yeah?" I rubbed my eyes.

"We're at your place. Need some help in?" Gerard cooed.

"Nah, I'm okay." I lied, nearly falling flat on my face when I stepped out of the van.

"Come on, now. I'll help." Gerard leapt out of his spot and lifted my arm around his shoulders. I was too tired to care. He had also grabbed my guitar case.

My apartment building wasn't the nicest, and the elevator made a weird lurching noise, but Gerard didn't seem to mind. I hadn't cleaned up in quite a while, though Gerard didn't come in. He left me in my doorway.

"Get some rest, okay?"

"Yup." I mumbled.

Gerard turned around, then turned back. He hesitated, and then kissed my cheek like I'd kissed his. That was when I fainted.

I woke up with light from my far window streaming on my face. I tried swatting it away, though it didn't work. So I was forced to get up and put on some coffee. The coffee part was a-okay with me, it was the getting up thing that didn't fly so well. I was pissed off, and even coffee didn't make me feel better. I knew I had band practice at Gerard's place. I smiled a little at my mind's mention of his name. I smiled even more at the memory of how he'd kissed me the night before, but then common sense kicked in.

_He was just being nice, Frank. I mean, really! He's a nice guy. Nothing more. He's straight, for God's sake! If nothing else, he's straight. And you're not. And that's kind of a bad situation but you have to make the best of it. _

I sighed to myself. Of course, my common sense was right. It didn't matter that he kissed me. On the cheek, much like second graders do. I put my coffee cup down, picked up my guitar, and headed out the door.

Gerard actually had a house. A grown-up house with couches and proper tables and it smelled like vanilla. It was too big of a place for one guy to be living in, in my opinion.

When I got there, the rest of the band was midsong. Mid Hang 'Em High, actually. I listened quietly in the doorway, staring intently at Gerard. Even when we weren't on stage, he strutted about like a model. I do recall having to consciously not drool. Most people can do that in the back of their minds, but I cannot when I'm looking at him.

"Oh, hey, Frank!" Gerard beamed at me and waved when he'd finished singing. I did the polite thing and clapped. He deserved it.

"Hi there. You guys sounded really good."

"Thanks! Ray had to play rhythm because _some_body was late. How'd you sleep?"

"I never made it to my room, actually." I admitted.

"Really? Shit, kid. You must've been dead!" Mikey looked concerned.

I started unpacking my guitar from her case. "Nah. I'm alive, aren't I?"

"You know what I meant." Mikey murmured.

"Where'd you end up crashing, Frankie?" Gerard looked genuinely interested, I noticed, slinging my guitar over my shoulder and walking to my friends. And the amp where I could get all plugged in.

"Oh, um, my floor's as good a place as any. I literally just passed right out. You left, I yawned, then blackness." I plugged my guitar in and strummed a really loud E chord with a lot of distortion. "HEY! Who was fuckin' with my amp?"

Gerard shrugged, but nodded his head at Ray. Ray saw that and shot him a dirty look. "Sorry, dude. It's better than mine. I wanted to see what it could do."

"Your guitar's better than mine." I said simply, and it was true. Mine was a regular, alpine white Fender Strat. He had a really nice Les Paul. I was always jealous of it.

"Ah, whatever." Ray shook me off and started riffing around while I reset my amp to the way I liked it. It's hardly just turning of knobs, it's a science.

The rest of them played around with their instruments while I fiddled around with my amp. Experimented, really. I was really focused, but I felt breathing on my neck which made me turn around. Of course, the breath belonged to Gerard. "Hey, Frank. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah. You're sure one for confrontations, aren't you?"

Gerard laughed. "I guess so. But uh, last night… I'm sorry if you got creeped out by my question. And my, err, kiss."

I blinked a few times, staring at my Tap Delay Time button, trying to process what he'd just said. He regretted kissing me?! Oh, that was nice. "It's okay."

"No, Frank, it's not. I'm too impulsive, and if it makes you uncomfortable…"

"I'm the impulsive one, remember? I kissed you first."

"But I kissed you back."

"I kissed you first."

"I know." Gerard got this weird smirk on his face.

"Yeah, but-"

Gerard took my face in his large hands and kissed me with a lot of force. I think I may have died, but I couldn't be sure. I attempted to kiss him back, but his lips felt like they weighed tons. All of a sudden, he pulled back abruptly and left me sitting there, speechless.

No one had seen us. Bob, Mikey and Ray were all jamming, not stealing a glance at me. Woah. What timing!

The entire practice, I wasn't myself. I messed up every single little chord progression, and I was off time almost every song. I knew that Gerard knew it was because of him. He'd look at me every so often with a look that said 'Frankie, play right!', but I couldn't. It was like my fingers were lead.

Ray and Bob packed their things and left, as they had lives to attend to. I apologized fervently to the both of them, but they shook me off. Apparently it 'wasn't my fault' and 'I was just having an off day'. Oh, if they only knew how 'off' my day really was.

Mikey, Gerard and I sat around; them talking and me not saying anything. I just sprawled out on a chair, looking at the roof.

"Frank?" Mikey asked, jolting me out of my semi-trance.

"Uh, yeah?"

"You don't seem yourself. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm just… sick." I lied.

"Sure." Mikey said. Though he didn't sound like he believed me.

"Frank. Just tell him." I heard Gerard urge. Why would he want me to..?

"Tell him what?" I asked the ceiling. "I told him. I'm sick."

"No, you're not sick. I can tell when you're sick. Something else is wrong."

I felt my face knit up in confusion. Gerard wasn't making any sense. What was he trying to get me to say? "You know just as well as anyone what's wrong. Why don't _you _tell him?"

"Really?" I could practically see the shock on his face, even though I wasn't looking at him. "Okay. Well, Mikey, Frank here put the moves on me."

I shot up. "EXCUSE ME?! I wasn't the one who-"

Gerard held up his hand to shush me. I don't know why I closed my mouth. Something about that hand ebbed my anger. "And then today," he continued, "I kissed him when you guys weren't looking. So, I think Frank's problem is that he is in love."

Mikey's face was blank. The only movement was his blinking and the way his mouth twitched while he was biting his lip. I didn't even try and deny what Gerard had said. It was true, but I couldn't place why Gerard was acting so strangely. Unless! No. No, he couldn't. Though I decided to shoot my mouth off anyway. "You are, too!"

Gerard looked like a deer in headlights at best. I think I may have caught him off guard.

"Well, uh," Mikey rubbed his knees and sprang up, "I gotta head 'er. Good practice, and, uh, feel better, Frank."

Mikey was out of the house faster than I could say 'goodbye'. Gerard kept looking at me with his huge, desperate eyes. I wanted so badly to take back what I said to avoid getting hurt, though all I could do was stare.

"Yeah. So?" Gerard said suddenly. "What if I am?"

I blinked a few times. "Right." I snorted.

Gerard laughed along with me, but it sounded forced, and the look in his eyes hadn't changed. "What's so funny?"

"You- you're not _serious_!" I told him.

Gerard turned red, a huge contrast to his pale skin. "No, I actually am." he sighed. "God damn, it feels so good to say that after forever!"

I kept blinking at staring into space. Well, not so much 'space' as Gerard's expectant face. "I- um..." I stuttered, "well… God."

"Yeah. So, from what I've gathered, we're in…" Gerard trailed off, never breaking his gaze from me.

"I guess so."

"Hmm. What do two guys in… you know… uh, typically do?"

I thought back to my college boyfriend. It wasn't love, really, but we did have fantastic ways to spend our time. I got up and tried my best to strut over to Gerard. It's pretty difficult to be sexy when you're shaking like a leaf. I tried to steady my hands enough to take Gerard's in them. "They kiss." I suggested.

Gerard nodded and pulled himself up. It made me feel sort of short, and he had to bend down to kiss me, but it was a really nice kiss. Not like the time he forced himself onto me at all. It was… cute. Really soft, and I felt his tongue for the first time. I didn't worry about being quiet like I had to in my dorm room. I moaned in contentment, and Gerard laughed.

"What?" I asked.

"You make funny noises." Gerard chuckled to himself and continued kissing me.

I rolled my eyes and slipped my hand around his hips. I felt his hand creep around my waist and I had to keep my breathing steady. I know, you're not supposed to pant until you get _past _second base, but I had been waiting to do this for years. Gerard moved down to kissing and biting my neck. "You fucking vampire!" I groaned, but I didn't want him to stop. His only response was biting me harder.

As suddenly as we had started making out, Gerard stopped. I gave him a questioning look. He just grinned at me and slid his hand down into my back pocket. "What _else_," he squeezed his hand, "do two guys in love do?"

I gulped and thought back. "They, uh," -another gulp- "they…"

"Do they do _this_?" Gerard shoved me back onto his couch and straddled me, looking like a demon.

"They do." It took all my strength to keep my voice from quavering. I thought I did a pretty good job at sitting still, until Gerard took my belt off. Then I was practically seizing.

"Does my Frankie like it the nice way," Gerard folded my belt in half, swinging it about, "or the other way?" He cracked it against his hand.

"It depends on how Gerard wants it." I winked, actually scared out of my mind. Had he done this before?! I was supposed to be the experienced one! The one who'd been gay his whole life. Although today was all about discoveries…

"Gerard wants it…" He pursed his lips in thought. "The other way."

I nodded and tried to wear a sexy smirk. It felt right on my face, but I think my nervousness showed. Gerard may have noticed, or he may not have. He got up and took off his jacket, laughing to himself the entire time.

"What's so funny?"

"This. It's like… surreal. Y'know, I thought that I'd be horrible at this whole thing." He was sliding his shirt over his head in a way that was almost a striptease, "But I'm actually not."

I just stared. How could he be so confident?! He made a noise that might have meant he understood something, and laughed through his noise. "And I'm scaring you, aren't I?"

"A little bit, yeah." I laughed at myself.

Gerard smiled, not like the sex demon he had been, but like the Gee I knew before we'd admitted ourselves to each other, and walked over to me. "It'll be okay." He kissed my forehead and sat beside me. "We'll go as slow as you want, alright?"

That made me roll my eyes again. I didn't _want _to go slow, I just didn't want to get killed and eaten. "Alright." I said, putting my hand on his thigh and moving it back and forth.

"Frank? I said 'as slow as you want'." Gerard pointed out uncomfortably.

"Oh? Am I scaring _you _now?" I offered a wink, not letting up with my hand.

"A little. God, we are no good at this, are we?"

"I think we're just fine." I moved my hand a little upwards. Not so that it was anyplace suggestive, but it was damn close. I noticed then how muscular his legs were, and I was fraught with jealousy and vanity for a second. As I kept my hand moving, like clockwork, I felt Gerard's leg flexing and relaxing. We didn't say anything, just looked at each other. I saw Gerard start to sweat, and his temperature rose.

"Are we gonna… do anything else?" he asked me tensely.

I nodded and pressed my lips to his, anticipating what was next. I sure as hell didn't know, and I had a feeling Gerard didn't either.

"Well…?" Gerard asked. I was kinda bummed we weren't kissing anymore.

"Well what? Making out is cool."

Gerard grabbed my shirt collar and pulled my ear to his mouth. "Not for me, it isn't." he whispered, sending shivers down my spine. I had no idea what to do, so I mirrored him. I tugged my own shirt off and Gerard moaned in approval. Though I don't know what he was approving. I'm fucking scrawny, and my tattoos emphasize the fact. Gerard would probably think I'm a wannabe or something. I'm not normally self-conscious, either. Damn it, Gee!

"Could you do me a favour?" Gerard asked me, rolling me onto my back so he could lay on top of me.

"Sure." I breathed.

"Never, ever wear a shirt again."

I laughed. Partly in relief, and partially from pure happiness. "Can do."

"Good." Gerard kissed my neck again, but moved lower. He made his way down my chest and my hips, just like I'd imagined. Only this time I could feel it, which made it a million times better. I knew I was breathing erratically and probably looking like a fool, but Gerard didn't seem to care. I kind of felt like an ingrate, what with Gerard doing all the work for me, so I flipped him over and copied what he'd done to me. Except I used more tongue. Hopefully he'd get the hint for next time. Wait, next time?! There wouldn't be a next time. Well, maybe…

Gerard's hand crept down by my face and undid his jeans. Oh boy. I wouldn't know what to do with it. "Uh." I whispered, mainly to myself.

"Oh, sorry, Frankie. You don't have to. I just thought I'd try."

"I will, I just… I'm hesitant because I've been in love with you forever and if I do anything too rash, I'm afraid that you'll just, I don't know. Leave me." I admitted bashfully.

"Frank!" Gerard sounded incredulous as he sat up to grab my face. "I would never, never, ever leave you. Don't you know that?!"

"I do now."

"Here. Sit next to me." Gerard patted the spot on the couch and I plopped down.

"Is this right, d'you think?" I asked, leaning my head on Gerard's shoulder. I reminded myself to ask him how he made his skin so soft.

"I think that it's absolutely fantastic, and you're the best kisser on planet Earth, but do I think that it's _right?_ No. The rest of the band, if they found out, would…" Gerard shook his head, as if to clear a bad thought.

"I see. So should we?"

"Everything below the eyebrows is saying yes. But there's my brain. And it's just the ultimate party pooper."

"Ah. Mine, too." I sighed. Gerard's hand made its way onto my shoulder and squeezed it.

"Maybe we should," Gerard paused, looking like he was trying to find his next words, "take it slower than this."

"Yeah." I nodded and snaked my fingers through his other hand. He pecked me a kiss and rubbed my arm.

Sure, we were taking it slow for the time being, but I was still excited for when we'd speed up. 


	2. Chapter 2

**TIME LAPSE - Two weeks later.**

"Ready for the tour, boys?" Gerard asked all of us as we loaded up our van.

"Ugh." I groaned. It was early in the morning, and we had an assload of driving to do. Though it wasn't my turn until the next day, so I took full advantage of the bunks we have in back.

I had just kicked back and fallen asleep when Gerard shook me awake. I tried to talk, but he silenced me with his kisses. He let me run my tongue along his neck while he was working on getting my shirt off. He had lost his shirt, too, by that point, and I wriggled myself around to make sure I touched every inch of his bare skin. I slipped my hands down into his jeans and found what I was looking for.

"Fuck, Frank! At least unzip my pants!"

I looked up at Gerard's face and I read the pain on it. I smirked at him and unzipped his fly, freeing the pressure on his lower regions. He sighed in relief. Then I went right back to moving my hands back and forth. Gerard, being on top of me, bucked his hips down into my touch and rocked back and forth in time with my hand movements. "Frank," he moaned. "Ah, Frank! Frank!"

My eyes shot open. "Frank!" Gerard was shouting. Fuck. I'd dreamt it.

"Mm?" I mumbled.

"Get up. It's time for supper."

"Uhhhhhhhhh." I groaned, but got up anyway. I heard my stomach rumble.

"Oh," Gerard said, laughing a little bit, "dress up."

"Pardon?" I asked, and looked at Gerard for the first time. He was wearing a black button-up shirt and a red tie with his regular black skinnies. He'd even thought to straighten his hair. My god, he looked so fucking hot I could barely contain myself.

"I said," Gerard smiled, even though he was trying to be tough, "dress up. I went to the trouble."

"Can't I just go like this?"

Gerard came and sat down on the edge of my bunk. "Great as you look, no. I spent hours getting ready, and getting the rest of the guys to leave us alone."

"What?!" My groggy mind took a while to comprehend the fact. "Gerard. Is this like, a… like a date?"

"It certainly is. I hope you don't mind my not asking you first, but I figured since that band practice-"

I held up my hand. "Say no more, say no more. It's cool, just give me a sec."

"'Kay." Gerard leaned in and kissed me with a huge smile on his face.

I leaped up from my bed once he was gone. I think I got ready in about ten minutes, though I thought I looked nowhere near as cute as Gerard. My stomach was full of butterflies as I stepped out of the van and stretched. We were in front of a building that looked like it belonged in a modern art gallery.

"Gerard," I whined, "this is too expensive!"

"Not for me. C'mon!"

Gerard took me by the hand and led me to the dimly-lit interior. For the first time in this whole ordeal, I was terrified.

We got a cozy table in the back corner, not close to the kitchen or the doors. No distractions. That was both good and bad. Good in that we weren't getting elbowed in the face or hit with a door every five seconds, but bad because there was nothing to distract me from Gerard, and vice versa. He stared at me like I was supposed to do tricks.

"Umm… Gee?"

"Yeah?"

"What're you doing?"

"Just lookin' at you. You're nervous."

"N-no I'm not." I stuttered, my incoherence betraying me.

"Aw! Frankie!" Gerard smiled at me as he reached his hand out to place it on top of mine. I looked around to see if anyone was staring. Nobody was. "It's just me. Gerard Arthur. And you are Frank Anthony and nothing else matters but that."

Moved by his words, I turned my hand upright. "You're right. So, what should we order?"

"I'd say some food, followed by rough sex."

"Pardon?!"

"Kidding. Just trying to lighten the mood for you."

"Oh! Ahahaha. For sure." I smiled, and then he smiled, and then the waitress came. Surprise and confusion muddled up her face.

"My name is Angie and I'll be serving you two, uh, boys. What can I getcha?" she piped.

"Umm," Gerard pursed his lips, "what's good here? Nothing with meat, though. Boyfriend's a vegetarian."

Gerard winked at me and I nudged his leg under the table. He didn't need to fucking _broadcast _the fact that we were kind-of-sort-of dating.

"Something good without meat… hmm… I'd recommend Greek Salad to start- and, oh. I could ask the chef to not put in any feta. Then I could get you guys the vegan platter to share. It is literally so, so good."

"Sounds great!" I beamed at the young blonde.

"I've got a question about your desserts." Gerard asked, mouth still puckered, looking at the menu. "This thing here, your tiramisu, that's made with coffee, right?"

Hearing Gerard say 'tiramisu' with his Jersey accent made me laugh.

"Yes it is."

"We'll take that."

"Alright, then!" Angie took our menus, leaving us alone again.

For a while, we just stared at each other. In the lack of light, Gerard's eyes looked black. My hand was starting to get clammy from being held for so long, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell him that.

Angie came along with the Greek Salad and the vegan platter all at once. She was right, though. The salad was good, and the big plate of various crap was just tofu prepared differently. It was okay, though. Gerard's face was fun to watch as he tried to figure out the makings of the tofu.

Just as we finished, the tira-whatever came. I wasn't too big a fan, but Gerard ate what I didn't. At the end of it all, he paid and we went back out to the van, contented and kind of bloated.

"Uuuuuuggghhhhh," I groaned. "I'm so faaaaaaaat."

"Nah! I ate way more than you."

"Frig off. You're not exploding out of your jeans right now." I complained, adjusting my belt so it didn't kill my insides.

Gerard got a sly smile on his face. "You want me to be?"

"Well, it _is _a great way to burn calories." I put a finger to my lips, pretending to actually think about it.

Gerard pounced on me before I got the chance to do anything else. I had slammed my head on the back wall of my bunk, but I didn't care. Gerard was on top of me, undoing his tie.

"Frank?" he asked, suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"You trust me, right?" He was twirling the tie around in his fingers.

"Sure."

"Life your head up for a second."

I did as he told me and then, in a blur of red, the tie was over my eyes. "Fuck you!" I yelled, trying to claw it off. Gerard grabbed my hands and put them back over my head, restraining me.

"Frankie," he whispered in my ear, "trust me, okay?"

I nodded and bit my lip. I felt Gerard get off of me and I knew he was standing in front of the bed. I sensed it. "Sit up." he commanded.

I shot up, surprised I didn't hit my head on anything. It was making me nervous, not being able to see. My stomach had dropped, and I felt nauseous. And horny. That was a weird mix.

I then felt Gerard grab my hand, after I'd heard the rustle of clothing. He put my hand on his bare chest and moved it around. "I like what I see."

"Ha! You're cute."

"You're half-naked."

"Are you disappointed in that?"

"Maybe a little." I admitted.

Gerard took both my hands and worked them to undo his pants. I heard the rustle of fabric as his jeans dropped to his ankles. I felt a flurry of excitement in the pit of my stomach as he guided my hands up and down his chest and stomach, and over to his hips. I took initiative and moved my thumbs in circles as I moved my hands inwards. I slipped my thumbs down into the waistband of his boxers, feeling his goosebumps as I did. But I stopped, wanting to tease him.

"Keep going." he whispered shakily.

"Take the blindfold off."

Gerard made an 'ugh' noise in the back of his throat. "Never mind, I guess I'll just have to do everything myself."

With his words, Gerard took my hands and placed them in a different position, dragging them downwards, exhaling sharply as he wrapped them around himself. I didn't need any more guidance; I moved my hands up and down in time with Gerard's breathing. I didn't have to be able to see to know that Gerard was rocking back and forth on his feet. He lurched forward when he was done, and then he pulled me up by my wrist. The next thing I felt was water washing the mess off my hands.

"Thanks, Gee."

"For sure. Now it's your turn."

I swallowed, then I was shoved back. I was cushioned by a bunk, though I couldn't say whose. I felt Gerard yank my shirt off and restrain my arms over my head.

"You really like to dominate, don't you?"

"I do. Do you mind being dominated?" Gerard's breath was directly in my ear, his lips brushing against my cheek.

"Not at all." I squeaked.

"Good."

Gerard let go of my arms and I let them stay there while he kissed my bare stomach, flicking his tongue every so often. I shivered, both from sensation and excitement, when he started unzipping my jeans. I let out a moan when his hands gripped my hips harshly, his nails digging into them, and I quickly shut my mouth.

"Relax," Gerard cooed, reading my mind, "There's no one here. Be loud."

"Why?" I whispered.

"It fucking turns me on." Gerard growled, forcing my boxers to my ankles and taking me fully down his throat. I gripped what felt like a pillow so hard I thought I might rip holes in it. I was moaning like some oversexed slut, but I didn't care. It felt so fucking good! What I'd dreamed about for years was finally real. Gerard briefly pressed his forehead against my skin, and I felt that he was sweating. I then realized that I probably was, too. I wriggled around, not able to do anything else. But then I felt it in my core. That weird, butterflies-but-not sensation.

"Gerard," I groaned, "I'm- oh, _fuck_!"

I couldn't finish my sentence, because I exploded. That's the only way I can put it. Not being able to see made it infinitely better. I hear Gerard gulp, and he reached behind my head and untied his tie. I blinked into the dim light of the van, trying to get used to sight again. And there he was. His big, gorgeous eyes staring into mine. It was impossible not to smile.

Gerard smiled back at me. "Let's do that again sometime."

"Yeah." was all I could say. I was, for once, speechless.


	3. Chapter 3

I dreamt about Gerard that night, rather vividly. Not that I minded. When I woke up, it was his eyes that were the first things I saw. He was peering at me, from the floor where he sat. He was exceptionally gorgeous, with the same exuberant smile he had worn the night before. He was also wearing his pink-and-black striped scarf that I always loved.

"Hi." I said.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty. You've got some driving to do today."

I could barely think of how to speak properly when Gerard reached his hand over to me and brushed the back of it against my cheek. "I guess I do. Where do I have to pick the boys up from?"

"This hotel across town. Then we're heading to Philly."

"Joy." I mumbled, rolling out of my bunk.

"Got you some coffee." Gerard offered, leading me to a Starbucks cup that was sitting on our tiny counter. I picked up the cup, satisfied that it was still warm. I took a sip to kill my morning breath and stretched up on my toes so I could kiss Gerard.

"Thanks."

"Anytime. So get your ass in the driver's seat!" he urged.

I grumbled and reluctantly hopped over to the front. Gerard directed me to this shitty, one-level motel where the other three in our band were waiting outside for us. None of them looked pleased, so I tried my damndest to wipe my broad smile off my face.

Mikey grinned a little when he climbed onto the van, Bob said 'hey', and Ray just scowled. I got really bad energy from them, so I focused on Gerard. He was sitting beside me, in front, drawing in his sketchbook. He always looked so happy when he was drawing, no matter what.

"What're you working on?" I asked idly.

"Remember that guy I told you about? The Séance?" Gerard asked quietly. I knew he was above and beyond concentrated.

"That superhero who uses a Ouija board to get possessed by dead superheroes and whatnot?"

"That'd be him. I'm workin' on his latest… adventure? I guess?"

I nodded, not wanting to bug Gerard anymore. The rest of the ride was boring. The skies were grey, and I didn't feel like playing a show. My arms weren't feeling it. Though I had to pull myself together while making myself presentable.

I got ready in half the time I usually did, so I had an hour to myself. The van's bathroom was free, I noticed, so I holed up in there. I thought about the previous night and smiled to myself in the mirror. Then I remembered the details. The little bits. How big he was. How good he made me feel. Especially when he did that thing where he flicked his tongue… I felt an uncomfortable, but expected, buzz below my belt. Ugh. I did not need to play a show with a hard-on. But what to do? Everyone was here. I couldn't very well ask Gerard for any help, because he was getting ready. You do not bug Gerard when he's getting ready.

I sighed, locked the door, and unzipped my pants. The rush of cold air made me gasp a little bit. I adjusted the waistlines of everything so I could freely fuck around with myself and not be so exposed. I put one hand on the wall beside me, not needing it right then. I breathed erratically, not daring to make noises. I did whisper Gerard's name, but that was only to get me off quicker. I didn't want to be a hold up to the rest of them.

I was pretty thankful I was near a toilet, because I didn't have Gerard's mouth to come into. It wasn't so much of an explosion as I'd had before, but it was enough to satisfy me for the time being. I redid my pants and adjusted them so they didn't look so dishevelled. I washed my hands and unlocked the door. Upon opening it, I crashed right into Gerard!

"Oh, uh, sorry. I was just using the-"

"Bathroom, yeah. Don't worry about it." Gerard grinned at me awkwardly. He couldn't have heard me… could he?

"Do we go now?" I asked, referring to the stadium.

"Yeah, that's why I uh," Gerard swallowed, "came in here. To get you."

I nodded and followed him out of the van. We walked on to some backstage area with a mirror and a couch. I primped next to Gerard, though I thought I was no comparison. There he stood, all godly, with a black stripe over his eyes, mussing up his hair and making odd sounds, presumably to warm up his vocal cords.

And then there was me. My black hair hung lifelessly, except for my little curl. My eyes had red around them, but I didn't feel like drawing the X's. I took my skeleton gloves out of my pocket, and slipped them on.

"Frank!" Gerard snapped, "Why are you wearing those again?"

I shrugged, instantly self-conscious. "I like 'em."

"Alright." he sighed.

Some beefy guy popped in the door and said, "Two minutes, guys."

"Two minutes!" Mikey exclaimed. "Woo!"

"High fives all around!" Ray was even into the excitement, holding his palms out. Everybody slapped them but me. I didn't feel very cheery.

Bob was drumming his hands on his thighs, breathing in and out. I massaged the tendons in my arms, bouncing on my toes. My heart started to pound, and I felt my inner demons start to come out. They were the only reason I could play with so much energy. I was fucking possessed.

The same beefy guy walked in and told us to come onstage. The crowd went nuts when we came out and started picking up our instruments.

I played the closing chord to Venom, and Ray began to play Prison, so I followed along. Gerard began to babble like he does in the intro to that song.

"You know," he began, strutting around the stage, "I get told daily to go fuck myself. Do you guys have any idea what that might sound like? Fucking yourselves?"

There was a collective scream.

"I'm usually pretty quiet when I'm doing that so I need your help! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh! Lemme hear ya go-"

The crowd repeated Gerard, and he stole a glance over at me. He bit his bottom lip and made a kissy face. I swallowed, but smirked back.

"Oh," Gerard stage-moaned, walking slowly towards me, "God! I- I think Frank's getting me a little…" he trailed off, gyrating his hips against mine. I leaned into his touch, throwing my head back and moaning, away from any sound equipment. But Gerard sprang off of me and shouted, "EXCITED!"

Gerard began singing Prison, and I tried to focus on making my jeans a little less tight. Oh, he was going to get it after the show.

Eventually, our set was finished, and we left to the backstage area. Gerard looked like a beast. His long hair was stringy from sweat, which he playfully shook onto Ray. He was still ghost-pale. Even sweat couldn't run that type of makeup. God damn, what a gorgeous fucker.

The tips of my fingers burned from the constant contact with steel. You'd think my calluses would prevent that. I massaged my triceps and my tendons again. It felt like someone had injected my veins with steel. This stiffness was expected, but I knew what I'd be doing later on. I grinned to myself and continued putting pressure on the most painful parts of my arms.

Gerard looked over at me and smiled innocently. I smirked and muttered, "Prick." under my breath. He heard me, though.

"What'd I do?!"

"Remember, during Prison, where you…" I trailed off like he had, moving over to where he was sitting and straddling him. "Grinded me?"

I heard Gerard's breathing quicken, but he darted his eyes to the rest of the group who were looking at us suspiciously. I'd forgotten about them…

"Well, uh, it bugged me." I said quickly, and climbed off him.

We all sat quietly for a while, me cursing myself for being so dumb, and Gerard grinning at me every time I looked at him. It was apologetic; as if to say, 'If nobody was here, I'd want you to fuck my brains out'. I took comfort in that.

The big door opened to reveal some people I'd never met before.

"Hi!" a small blonde girl chirped. "We're your stylists! My name's Eliza."

I stopped listening to the other few people to stare at Gerard. Only this time he wasn't looking back at me with that familiar want in his eyes. He was looking at somebody else with that longing, that lust. He was looking at Eliza.


	4. Chapter 4

**author's note, um, yeah... this is quite the slash-y chapter to make up for a lack thereof in the future. enjoy.**

"Stylist, huh? That's gotta be fun." Gerard schmoozed to Eliza, while I scowled at him. Not like he'd notice that much. He was too busy flirting.

"Oh, it's not that exciting. I do get to do a lot of people's makeup, though! And I can't _wait _to do yours." Eliza was red as a fucking tomato.

"Why's that?"

"You've got a nice face. Very handsome."

Gerard shared Eliza's rouge color. Fucking asshole. "Well thank you! Your face is pretty nice, too."

Eliza giggled and I threw up a little bit in my mouth. We'd been sitting backstage for hours. Bob, Ray and Mikey were doing their own thing, chatting each other up, but I was perched on a couch. Watching the fucking carnage. I expected my feelings for Gerard to go away once I saw him with some other girl, but they didn't. They got stronger, even. I was some jealous, whining little bitch.

"You're coming on tour with us, yeah?" Gerard asked Eliza.

"I was hoping to. I mean, you guys are kind of amazing."

"You're amazing." Gerard beamed at her. Like he used to beam at me.

I cracked my knuckles and hopped up, not wanting to witness any more. It wasn't fair! Had Gerard even considered what we'd done the night before?! I needed to talk to him, but not right then. Not when I was still angry.

"Where ya goin'?" Gerard piped up, practically having to rip his eyes off Eliza.

"Like you give a fuck." I snapped.

I stormed off, not responding to Gerard's calling my name. I didn't know where to go, so I just climbed into the van. I washed off my makeup, changed into a pair of pyjama pants and a cotton t-shirt, and crawled into my bunk. I knew sleep wouldn't come easily. I pulled my knees up to my chest and thought about Gerard. With me. I smiled at that, but then I thought about Gerard with… with _her_. I felt my stomach churn. I wanted to puke, thinking about Gerard holding her hand, looking so perfectly blasé. Well, blasé compared to my hands holding his cock. _But_ I was so much better for him! Couldn't he see that? Maybe I was just overreacting, though. Maybe he wanted me like I wanted him, and he was just using Eliza. That was a possibility, right? I must have been in terrible shape, because I felt tears in my eyes when I thought about Gerard again. Not with anybody. Just him. In his unholy perfection.

It was around a half hour later when I heard the rest of the guys come into the van. I crawled under my covers, not wanting to see Gerard. It would only make me more upset.

I felt a pressure pull my comforter down a bit. I poked my eyes over the hem of my sheet and found myself staring at a pale face with long hair. Ah, fuck.

"Frank!" Gerard breathed, obviously relieved. "Why were you so upset earlier?!"

"You don't fucking care." I said tonelessly.

"Yes, I do! If I didn't care, would I have…" Gerard put his lips to my ear, "sucked you off last night?"

"I don't know." I mumbled.

"Wait. Is this about Eliza? Because if it is you can relax. And-"

Gerard got cut off by a whiny, stupid, female voice calling, "Gee?"

"Coming, Eliza."

I strained my ears to listen to their conversation, but I couldn't hear it. All I heard was the van door slam after a little bit. Gerard flopped back down on my bed and let out an exasperated huff.

"Hey."

"Hi. Sorry about that. She wanted to come on the bus tonight, and I said there'd be no way, and we just fucking got into it. But there's someone I'd much rather spend my time with."

I poked more of my head out from my blankets. "Who?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Frank," Gerard kissed my forehead, "Anthony," he kissed the tip of my nose, "Iero," he finished, kissing me on the mouth.

"Gee!" I hissed in between fervent kisses. "The guys are going to see us!"

"Hold on." Gerard said hastily, going over to his own bunk and grabbing some things; among them was a sheet. He expertly tucked it into the bunk above so it shielded us. I took comfort in the off-white canopy he'd created.

"You got enough room?" he asked, crawling back in, laying on his side and draping his arm around my waist lazily. Like it was no big deal.

"Mhm," I mumbled in content. "You?"

Gerard sighed and squeezed me tighter. I decided to be brave and took his hand from my hips and moved it slightly lower. Gerard moved his hand around in circles, just barely skimming what I wanted him to touch. Then I remembered that he had grabbed some other things from his bed.

"Hey, Gee?"

"Mm?"

"What're you holding?"

Gerard turned sheepish. "It's nothing. Really."

"It's something!"

"No, it isn't. Go to sleep."

I moved Gerard's hand off me, much as I hated to do it. "No touchy, then."

Gerard sighed. "I just brought some… precautions in case the night took us someplace else."

"Precautions?" I inquired.

"Yeah."

"Well, what if we need them?" I whispered, my voice unexpectedly husky.

"We'll see, won't we?" Gerard said quietly, kissing me softly and placing his hand back to where I'd initially had it. We made out for a little while, getting more intense with every passing second, before Gerard got a little ahead of himself. He flipped me over onto my stomach and I heard the rustling of cardboard, accompanied by the ripping of a wrapper. I gulped nervously.

Yes, I'd been gay since day one and I was no virgin, but I wasn't used to being on the bottom. The one experience I had with it was horrendous. So, needless to say, I was chicken shit.

"Please, Frank?" Gerard begged from on top of me. How could I deny him when he wanted it so badly. Fuck.

"'Kay." I said, grabbing a pillow and shoving my face in it, because I knew that I'd have to keep it down.

I let out a yell into the pillow as Gerard buried himself in my heat. I had to remind myself to loosen up, so it'd eventually feel good. And, after about a minute, I started to get really into it. Gerard slid his hands up under my t-shirt and dug his nails into my back. It should have bugged me, but it didn't. I wanted _more _of it. I accidentally let out a moan. Big mistake.

The sheet we were using as a shield from the rest of the guys began to open, and Gerard quickly turned us both over, making me face whoever was opening the door and Gerard simply looked like he was behind me. The quick motion drew a gasp from me. The intruder was Ray, and he looked tired.

"Uh, hey Frank. And, um, Gerard?"

"Hi." Gerard replied. "Nightmare." He answered some unsaid question.

Ray nodded and went back to his bunk, shutting our canopy again. Gerard put his face near mine and whispered, "That was bad of you, Frank. I think you need some discipline." He bucked his hips forward at the word 'discipline'. I inhaled sharply.

"Like what?" I breathed shakily.

Gerard responded by clawing into my side and continuing what we were doing before. "T-this," I stammered, pleasure making me almost incoherent, "is punishment?"

"No," Gerard began to sound like me a little bit, "_this_ is punishment!"

Without warning, Gerard slipped his hand that had previously been scratching me into my pants and took hold of my length, moving in time with his hips. It was too fucking much. I tried to grab around for my pillow, but couldn't find it. Gerard must have known what I was reaching for, because he covered my mouth with his other hand. "Let it out, baby." he groaned in my ear.

I moaned a little, but near the end, when I could feel a climax pulsing everywhere, I began to whimper and bite his fingers. We both finished at the same time, and Gerard slipped out of the bunk to go clean himself off. I noted the stains on my sheets. Yuck.

When Gerard came back, he yanked the sheet he'd hung from the top bunk down and laid it down over the stained bits of the bed. He then kissed my forehead and crawled up into his bed. I was alone, yes, but I felt like Gerard was with me, and that made for an excellent sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

When I woke up, it was completely bright out and I smelled coffee. Nobody was there to greet me with their smiling face, so I was forced to get up. Gerard was there, along with the rest of the guys, sans Bob. So I assumed he was driving. And, to make my morning extra-special, Eliza was there, sitting across from Gerard, a coffee mug in her hand.

"Hi. Where to?" I grumbled.

"Chicago." Mikey told me. Ah. _That's _why Bob was driving.

Gerard looked at me, smiling, but it didn't touch the rest of his face. Something was wrong. "Frank?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Can we talk in the back?"

"Sure." I made finger-guns at him and clicked my tongue. I shuffled my tired feet to the back part of the van and faced Gerard.

"So, listen, um, last night… well, it was fantastic. I'm not gonna lie to you. But I think we should keep it strictly professional from now on. What would the guys think? The fans? If this were to end badly, do you think that we could keep being in the band? I mean-"

"Oh, fucking save it. This is about _her_, and you don't need to explain yourself." I snapped without waiting for Gerard to finish his sentence.

Gerard looked quite stunned, and left to go back to Eliza. I sighed and climbed back into my bunk, intent on sleeping the next ten-or-so hours away.

My dream was messed up. It was Gerard and I, sitting on a couch, watching TV. We were holding hands, and he was beaming at me. I looked away from him for whatever reason, and when I looked back, he was gone! I didn't know where he had vanished to. I blinked once more, and he was back, all right. But he had Eliza with him. They were linking arms and he wedged her in between us.

"Gee? Will we ever-?" I began to ask, my dream self sounded unsure.

Gerard, wearing that same beautiful smile of his, grinned and shook his head.

I woke up with a start, screaming and in a cold sweat.

Mikey rushed to my side upon hearing me. "What's the matter?"

I noticed then that I had been crying in my sleep. "Oh, I, um… nothing." I murmured, wiping my eyes.

"It's something." Mikey said assuredly.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"Yes, it is." Mikey moved back and settled into my bed, putting his arm around me and pulling me in for a hug.

"Promise not to tell?"

"Promise."

"Gerard and I… well, we've been fooling around a bit and he just ditched me for fucking Eliza and I had these nightmares and- and-" I failed to finish my explanation because I began to sob again.

"Oh, Frank! I could sort of tell. But that's really shitty, huh?"

I nodded. Mikey hugged me once again and parted with a sympathetic smile. It comforted me some, but inside, I was a wreck.

The rest of the tour, I was just… a zombie, I suppose. I went through the motions of playing shows and I smiled when needed, but I wasn't there. I watched Gerard and Eliza grow closer together. The more they were with each other, the more distant I became. I observed every kiss, every hug, every little couple-y thing they did, from the sidelines. It was really hard on me. Because the more time I spent away from him, the more I realized that I loved him. _Love_d him. Before it was just lust. But being so distant from him for so long ravaged me.

The night after we'd finished touring, we were in some nice restaurant to celebrate a job well done. It was just supposed to be the band along with Brian, our manager, but Eliza somehow found a way to weasel in. Not that I cared. I was past the point where I felt anything. All I could feel was the constant pain of seeing Gerard with anyone else. Eliza was beside the point, because it didn't matter who he dated. I only cared that it wasn't _me_.

We got a large table and, while the rest of the people were chattering away, I stared at Gerard with a scornful eye. We hadn't spoken since he told me we couldn't be together. I stopped counting the day. Every once in a while, I'd catch him looking back and me with apology written all over his face. I chose to never acknowledge it because he had cut me far too deeply.

I ate something, though I had no idea what, and it was silent. Gerard was smiling at Eliza like he used to smile at me. He then fished for something in his pocket and got down on one knee. My stomach churned; my feelings suddenly back in motion.

"Eliza, you've made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. Will you-"

"YES!" Eliza squealed, before Gerard could finish the wretched fucking question. He slid the crappy, clichéd diamond ring onto her finger and she kissed him. My stomach began to flip-flop more and my throat burned. I pushed out from my chair and sprinted to the bathroom to expel whatever it was I had eaten that day.

Shortly thereafter, while I was leaning against the inside of the stall, I heard a voice call my name. But it wasn't a Mikey-voice. Or a Bob-voice, or even a Ray-voice. It was a Gerard-voice. And it was addressing me.

"Frankie? You okay?"

"Just fucking peachy. Go on, get back to your fiancée."

"Frank." Gerard said tersely.

"What?! I'm fine!" I snapped, opening the stall door. Gerard was standing there, one hand on his hip, and an exasperated look on his face. His eyes, though, were unmoved by his tough-guy façade. They were gleaming, and if they had mouths, they'd be smiling.

"No, you're not. Now, are you gonna tell me why the fuck you've been acting so dead these last few months."

"What about Eliza…?" I murmured.

"She can wait. We've got the rest of our lives, so what's ten measly minutes?"

I gagged, and I would definitely have thrown up if there had been anything else I'd eaten. Gerard's face turned sour.

"There's no reason to be an ass."

"I wasn't trying to…" I trailed off, hoarsely, clutching at my aching stomach. It was as if Gerard and Eliza were poison to my system. Every inch of myself rejected Gerard having anyone but me.

"Are you really that upset by this?"

I felt myself get instantly furious. "Of course I am!" I fumed.

"Why?!"

"Look at you!" I began to pace. "You're so fucking… happy! And I'm miserable! Don't you remember when we were both happy?"

"Of course I do…" Gerard said wistfully.

"We were _together_! And we were happy! Do I not fucking amount to Eliza?!" My voice cracked.

"Frankie, you amount to much more than Eliza."

"Then why'd you pick her over me?!"

"It wasn't a matter of choice. She was there, and I had fun with her. But she's different to me than you are. She's my fiancée, and you're…" Gerard deliberated for a moment. "You're so much more."

Gerard's sincerity didn't faze me. "Fuck that! If I'm so much more, how come there's no ring on my fucking finger?!"

"It's not like that, Frank. I just can't do this! This weird, secret, gay thing."

I ignored the fact that he said 'weird'. "Mikey knows. The rest of them _knew_, Gerard! Why'd you have to do this to me?" I was on the brink of tears.

Gerard, however, wasn't. He was furious. "BEC_AUSE_ I LOVE YOU! I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET FUCKING HURT, ALRIGHT?! I MADE A MISTAKE! HAVEN'T YOU EVER MADE ONE?!"

I was taken aback and a stray tear sped down my cheek. "I-" was all I could manage to choke out.

"Fuck it." Gerard sighed, and grabbed my face full in his hands. He forced his lips onto mine, and I did not object. I didn't know what was to come next, but I was sure it was something I'd enjoy.


	6. Chapter 6

**The POV of Gee. I thought it was needed. Anyhoo, here goes:**

A thousand things were going through my head when I kissed Frank. I was buzzing from the top of my head to the soles of my shoes because I was physically connected to him once more. I missed him more than I'd ever missed anybody, excluding my grandma. I'd steal a glance at him a few times a day, and even though his face was sad, and his eyes empty, he was still Frank. I'd remember how he used to smile and giggle at the things I did. I'd recall the way my heart would jump whenever he said my name. And then I'd feel a watery wall build in my eyes and have to look away to stop myself from crying.

I knew it was absolutely stupid to break it off with Frank when I wasn't sure of Eliza. Granted, she was pretty, and yeah, she definitely liked me. But could she ever amount to Frank? She could be enough. She could take my mind off Frank and how much I loved him. Even for just a little while. Eliza would be there for me, while I mourned Frank. Not like he died in the literal sense, but I murdered his essence. His personality. All his little quirks that made him my Frankie. Even his stage-energy wasn't there. I was eaten up inside for two months.

Meanwhile, Eliza and I got closer. I liked her plenty, but it wasn't love. It wasn't Frank. But it was okay. She seemed to love me, and wasn't she important? So I went along with it, figuring I'd love her eventually. I bought a ring, figuring that's what nice guys do. I proposed to her, because I did feel something for her. Not quite ardour, but I'd like to have her around for a while to come.

But here, kissing Frank with all the passion, fire, hate and love that I could manage, my heart did a one-eighty. The fact that he'd conformed his lips to mine, even after we'd had a bitter exchange of words, was more than fantastic. It was quite possibly the best thing that'd ever happened to me. It was astounding how he'd thrown up at even the mention of Eliza and I together. I'd taken that as a sign. We were meant for one another, no matter what.

Frank took a step back. "Wh-? Gerard! You're engaged!" he sputtered. I smiled at his confusion. It was so… _Frankie_!

"I know." I said simply. What other explanation could I offer?

"Well maybe you should have thought of that before you-!"

I silenced Frank with another kiss. Another kiss full of all my emotion. Frank practically went limp. I put one of my hands on the small of his back and my other one on the back of his head. I never, ever wanted to let go. As my fingers laced through his hair, I felt his hand creep round to my waist. I moaned in satisfaction.

"Wait!" Frank breathed, breaking our kiss momentarily, "Should… should we do this?"

Frank was _already_ thinking about sex?! What a guy. And I was definitely for it. Every single part of me (one in particular) wanted it, so I said, "Yeah, but we should do it elsewhere."

"Why?"

"You're loud."

Frank blushed. I missed that, too. The way he'd turn beet-red whenever a random compliment had been paid. "Well, you make me loud."

My heart raced. It was a very, _Eliza who?_ moment. I decided to be a bit of a tease. I brushed my lips against Frank's ear and whispered, "And I like it."

Frank let out a sharp exhale as I nipped his neck slightly. I knew he liked to be bitten. And I liked to bite. His soft skin felt amazing when my teeth grazed it. He groaned ever so slightly, and I jerked him towards me with brute force. It shocked me when he was able to get free. "Elsewhere." he said. I nodded in defeat and went back outside with Frank to join my fiancée and our friends. How strange it was to have to force a smile in front of the girl I was supposed to love most in the entire world. I couldn't very well tell her of my feelings for Frank, because that would just devastate her. Especially now that I'd put a ring on her finger. How would she look at me? Like a liar? _Oh, Gerard_, I thought to myself. _You fucking people-pleaser_.

"He's alive!" Bob exclaimed somewhat cryptically when he saw Frank.

"Uh, yup. Just probably some bad… food." Frank brushed the question off.

"Well, are we gonna go soon? I think Gerard and Eliza need to have some alone time." Ray wiggled his eyebrows at Eliza, then me. Eliza giggled and blushed, while I looked at Ray with the most scornful eye I could manage. Ray looked threatened. Ha.

"Anyways…" Mikey said, too loudly, of course. I sat down across from Frank, not breaking the gaze I had on him while everyone else went on chitchatting and all that stuff. I felt Eliza's eyes on me, but I couldn't handle that. Not right then.

We left the restaurant, everyone complaining about their full bellies. I was still beside Frank. I've been told I'm very maternal that way. "You gonna be okay for the night? I was gonna ride back to Jersey with Eliza, but if you want I could-"

"Oh, no. I'll be more than okay." Frank smirked at me, but when Eliza came up and grabbed my hand, he turned green again.

"Maybe you won't. Look, you know my cell number. One thing goes wrong, you call, I go take care of you. Is that alright, Eliza?"

"Sure." she said simply. "Anything for you, babe."

A rock had dropped in my stomach, splattering its contents everywhere. Or, at least, that's what it felt like. "Cool." I murmured, a little queasy myself.

Eliza and I walked to her car, hand in hand. I'd liked to have thought about something other than Frank and our bathroom encounter, but I couldn't. I wished I could focus on wedding plans and dates to set, but all that occupied my brain was Frank's lips, his tongue…

"Gerard?" Eliza piped up when we were at her car, shaking me out of my trance.

"Yes?"

"Your hand's all sweaty. You don't think you have what Frank has, do you?"

I sighed. "I think I do."


	7. Chapter 7

I staggered back to the van, about to be sick. Though when Gerard and Eliza were far away, I felt ten times better. Mikey came up to me then, as I sat down on my bed,

"You alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay, we're all gonna turn in. Brian's driving."

"Awesome."

Mikey walked away and I rolled back over to lay down and hopefully fall asleep. Sleep came easy, despite my situation and the fact that I was fully clothed. My dreams, however, were horrid.

In the one that made me wake up with a start, Gerard and I were on opposite sides of a large river. I tried, and I tried, and I _tried_ to fight the current and get to him, but I just fucking couldn't. The water was seeping ever so slowly into my lungs, and I was struggling for air. The more I swam, the farther away Gerard was. Why wouldn't he help me? He just stood there, calling my name, but not helping me. He was completely unreachable. The water eventually filled my lungs to the top, and I woke up, gasping for air that, thankfully, was all around me.

Tears began to roll down my face, and I whipped out my cell phone. I pressed the first speed-dial button.

"Hello?" Gerard answered groggily.

"I," -gasp- "need you," -gasp and choke- "here!"

"Holy shit! Okay, Frankie, just breathe. It's going to be alright."

I let out a sob, and Gerard hung up. I curled up into a ball and waited. After a few minutes, the van stopped, the doors opened, and Gerard came running to my bunk. The van started in motion, and so did my heart.

"Frank!" Gerard whispered, his head peering over the wall of my bunk.

"Hi." I whimper. I wasn't finished crying.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Gerard hopped in, crawled over me and took the wall-side of the bed. He draped an arm around my waist, and dug the other one under my head to cradle it. My breathing got less erratic and I stopped crying so much as I had been. I know, it's a stupid thing for a twenty something to be crying in another guy's arms, but I couldn't help myself. At all. Even when I tried.

When I stopped crying audibly, Gerard asked, "What happened, love?"

"I had a nightmare, where I died and you didn't- you didn't help me and the water was everywhere and-" I broke off my sentence to shudder.

Of course Gerard didn't know what I was talking about, but he made an effort. "There's no need to cry, Frankie. I'm here. You're safe. We're together now. Everything is going to be fine."

I wished I could believe him. The dream was just so fucking vivid that it was hard to get a grip on reality again. Gerard was, indeed, there holding me, but it wasn't as much of a comfort as I'd hoped. I decided to turn over and kiss him.

He kissed back, gently. "What's this about?" he asked, laughing a bit.

"I want it. I know you're going away soon, so just give it to me."

Gerard crawled on top of me and crushed his mouth onto mine, and I reached up underneath his jacket in order to get a handle of his skin. I needed to make sure this was real. I mean, the way I felt was definitely real and familiar, but I was afraid that if I let go, Gerard would disappear. And I couldn't handle that. Not right then.

"WOAH!" a voice exclaimed from right beside us.

We both looked sideways to see who it was. Ray was standing there, with Bob behind him. "Um, Hey. What's up?" Gerard grinned at them in the darkness.

"Not a lot… um, I know we knew about this before, but seriously. Could you guys maybe save that for later?"

Gerard just stared at Ray for a couple of beats, then he tuned to me, leaned down, and resumed kissing me, more loudly and passionately than before.

"Okay… or not." Ray mumbled and walked away.

I closed my eyes and let out an exhale through my nose. I hadn't been this happy in months, and I wanted to enjoy it. I knew I wouldn't be happy like this again for a long time to come. I felt Gerard's hands slip under my shirt, and I let him pull it over my head. I pulled on the hem of Gerard's shirt, and he took it, along with his jacket, off. I marvelled at how the moonlight, streaming in through the windows, glinted off Gerard's chest, making him look paler than normal. I tried to sit up so I could engulf every exposed bit of him in kisses, but he wouldn't let me. He just sat there, straddling me, and smirking that god damned sexy smirk of his. Every time I tried to straighten up, he'd push me back down.

"Gee!" I whined.

"What?"

"Just let me do this, 'Kay?"

Gerard sighed. "Fine."

He let me sit up, and I pushed him onto his back. I imitated his previous position, and I pressed my lips to his chest. I made a little trail for myself. Down the middle of his stomach, stopping to swirl my tongue around his belly button, then back up and along both shoulders. I did this three times when Gerard started to squirm. "Excited already?" I asked.

"Oh, fuck you." Gerard snarled.

"You love me."

"Shut up."

I smiled and undid Gerard's pants, pulling them down painfully slowly, even for me. To my delight and his embarrassment, he was already rock-hard. I giggled to myself. "Am I that amazing?"

"Just do it."

I'll admit, I liked this aggression Gerard had going for him. I knew it was because he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing, but if he was going to behave like _this_, well, I'd have to try and get him in trouble more often. I licked my lips and put them to work. Actually, I suppose my throat was doing most of the work. Gerard was making these stifled, little high-pitched moans in the back of his throat. That alone could have gotten me off. He didn't know it, but he was getting me pretty fucking ready for what I was going to do in a minute or so.

But all of a sudden, Gerard shoved me off of him, pulled his jeans up, and grabbed his things. "I've gotta go. I'm so, so sorry. I love you."

The van stopped and Gerard ran out. I promised myself I would never, ever let Gerard hurt me again.


	8. Chapter 8

I suppose that promise helped me sleep that night. When I woke up, the bus was in motion and light was coming the windows. I might've been almost happy, had I not remembered the night before. I rolled over with a groan, facing away from the sunlight, and wishing I were dead. Or just numb enough not to feel all the pain Gerard caused me. Why did I have to fall for him again and again and again? Would I ever fucking learn?

I was cursing myself to no end when I heard a timid voice from behind me. "Frankie?"

I stuck my hand out behind me at an awkward angle and stuck up my middle finger. With the way I felt for him, I probably shouldn't have flipped Gerard off, but he was the last person I wanted to deal with.

"I deserved that." he said.

"Fucking right, you did." I snarled.

"Frank," Gerard said softly, "please hear me out. I have a conscience, you know. That's why I ran."

"And I don't have one?!" I snapped, flipping around to glare at him. I imagine the look I had in mind got softened by his face. He wasn't wearing any makeup, and his eyes were bloodshot and apologetic.

"No, you do, it's just that you don't have a fiancée. Eliza just complicates things so much, and-"

"Then fucking get rid of her if she _complicates_," I spat the word with such scorn I surprised myself, "things. If you want to be with me, then be with me. If you don't, then stop teasing me like this!"

"You think I want to?!" he roared. "If it were up to me, I'd have fucked you again, but it wasn't, okay?!"

"Aw! Dude! On our bunks?!" Bob hollered from the main van area somewhere. We both ignored him.

"Who was it up to, then?!"

"I don't need this." Gerard snarled, and stormed out of my immediate area. I screamed into my pillow as loudly as I could.

I don't know how much time had passed, if I fell asleep or not, or where we were. I just laid there, not moving, not speaking, just staring at the wall. I was so _angry_! But I was angry enough to be numb. Just what I'd wanted, right? So why was I so sad about it?

I couldn't figure it out. As I was trying, Mikey sat down on my bed and I smelled food.

"Hey." he said. "I come bearing a veggie burger."

"Mm, thanks Mikey." I mumbled, turning over. In front of me was a very delicious-looking veggie burger on a paper plate. I tore into it like I hadn't eaten in weeks.

"Alright, I'll just leave you to that, then."

I said something unintelligible because my mouth was so full of food. That actually gave me energy enough to get out of bed. I stood up and leaned against the side of the bus because the rest of my mates were having a conversation.

"… won't get out of bed! What did you do, Gerard?" Mikey hissed urgently. I perked up my ears.

"I've done nothing! I think that's the problem."

"Nothing doesn't made Frank depressed. It had to be monumental." Ray said, presumably from the driver's seat.

"Is it my fault I love Eliza? No! I'd rather have something solid than something sporadic that could never work."

My heart sank. So Gerard and I would 'never work', hmm? Great. Even more reasons to get out of bed in the morning. I rolled my eyes and walked more forward.

"I heard that. You guys, talking about me. At least have the fucking decency to include me in the conversation when the topic _is_ me!" I snap. "Just let me off."

"Frank, you're insane." Bob said from his place on the small couch we'd invested in.

"Fuck you. Let me off."

"You should reconsider that, buddy." Mikey pointed out earnestly. I knew I was being difficult, but I wanted to be.

"RAY! LET ME THE FUCK OFF THIS VAN!"

Ray screeched the car to a halt and I stormed out. We were on a long stretch of highway, and it was blisteringly hot. I cursed my black jeans and t-shirt. And then I began to walk.

"Frank!" Gerard yelled after me. Ugh. Great.

"What?!" I roar.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Get the fuck away from me!"

I heard footsteps approaching me, and felt a hand on my shoulder. "Wait. Please?"

I shook Gerard's intruding hand off. "What is it you need to say to me, hmm? What's so important that you couldn't say at the billion possible times?!"

"I love you. More than her. More than anyone has ever loved anyone. And I will continue to love you until the last syllable of recorded time."

My heart melted into a puddle. I wanted to say everything I'd been thinking. I wanted to kill Gerard and hug him at the same time. So, I settled on saying, "Macbeth?"

Gerard smiled sheepishly. "Yeah."

All the hate and pain I'd been harbouring vanished. There was only Gerard and the overwhelming desire to be near him. I grinned so widely my face hurt and hopped up on him. My arms were hugging him fiercely while my legs wrapped around his hips. What with my being small, he barely had to hold me to keep me up there. I let a stray tear roll down my cheek, not caring how sissy that would be. I was with Gerard. That's all that mattered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the wait, guys! I got struck with a nasty case of writer's block. But I'm back now, with more updates to follow soon. =)**

I brought Frank into the van, completely unsure of anything. Sure, what I told him was the complete truth, but it was so easy to factor Eliza into the picture. When you ask a girl to marry you, you don't typically skip out on her. But, of course, when you tell a guy you're in love with him, you don't skip out on that either.

Frank jumped out of my arms when the van started to move and scampered off to do whatever it is he does when nobody's there. I didn't care to follow him, I just sat down and buried my head in my hands, thinking about what a whore I was. Eliza had her strong points, that much was true. Like the way she always giggled at whatever I said, and she knew how to do makeup better than me. She loved me, above all. How could I even consider leaving her?

Oh, right. Frank. The embodiment of all that was good in life. An angel, of sorts. He was the one I truly loved. Every time I was with him, nothing could compare to the happiness I felt. The ardour. It was like my heartbeat had a point when he was around. And don't get me started on those kisses of his! The best. Enough said. Like the way he'd flick his tongue… oh wow.

I didn't know how long I'd been sitting there, but Frank came up behind me, bringing with him the scent of Axe body wash. Mm. So he'd taken a shower. "You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Just, uh, headache." I lied, offering a weak smile and looking up at Frank. His hair was wet and tousled, and he wasn't wearing a shirt. Good lord.

"Aw." Frank cooed and kissed my head as he moved to straddle me. Not in an about-to-have-sex way, but in a he's-just-gonna-sit-there way. It was cute.

"It feels a little better. Mind kissing me again?" I asked, almost vomiting at the level of cuteness in my voice.

"I never mind." Frank purred, taking my chin up in his hand and raising my lips to meet his. I closed my eyes and let nature take its course. Well, not so much 'nature' as Frank's tongue. When I was so lost in a kiss, it was easy to forget about the little things. Like the eyes on me, the fact that the van was stopped, and the sound of the door opening. When Frank's hands were groping me all over, I barely recognized the voice who screeched, "GERARD!" as Eliza's.

We both turned to face her, even though Frank didn't get off me and let me reason with her. She stared back angrily, while I stared back with remorse. "Frank!" I found myself shouting, "Get off me!"

I shoved him a bit harder than I intended to and he fell to the floor. I would feel bad later, yes, but right then I needed to talk with my fiancée. I strode up to her and took her by the shoulders. "Eliza," I said slowly, enunciating her name and every word thereafter, "listen. That? That was nothing. Just a little slip."

"Little slip?" she repeated, looking dazed. I wondered where the anger went to.

"Yeah. That's all. I swear, baby."

"Okay, then. If you say so."

I was shocked. I wasn't going to get killed? Maimed? Yelled at, even?! That was weird.

"Alright. I suppose I'll see you later, then?"

Eliza smiled, or at least, that's what I thought she did. Her lips were pinched tightly, but they did curve upwards. She walked off the van and I looked at Frank. My heart instantly shattered into dust.

He was still sitting on the floor, breathing shallowly, eyes bugged out in pure terror. He reminded me of a child. I didn't think he'd moved since I pushed him. Slowly, his shock morphed into anger. "Nothing?!" he boomed.

"Frankie, I-"

"Stop lying, Gerard! Me?! Or her?!"

"You know I can't answer that."

"I think you just did," Frank said solemnly and sulked off to his bunk. That wasn't good. He always went there when he was seriously sad.

I was vaguely aware of the sets of eyes that were watching me, but all I could focus on were the hazel eyes that had been opened wide in terror and anger at me. I hurried over to Frank's bunk, and shook his shoulder. He rolled around furiously. "What?!" he snapped.

"Can't we at least talk about this?" I asked desperately.

"No, Gerard! I am done with talking to you. When you get this figured out, you can ask me that. Until then, we're done."

I blinked. "Done?"

"Yes. Done. As in, no Gerard and Frank."

I swallowed tears. "Fine." I said tersely and walked away to go sit and read comic books for the duration of the ride. I was lost in some second-rate superhero when the van lurched to a halt. We were making a pit stop at this 24 hour gas station. I went in to possibly buy a magazine and some cigarettes when Bob came up to me. "Hey, Gerard. You okay?"

"Uh, yeah," I said absentmindedly, "sure."

"Even after the big fight?"

My heart stopped beating for a second. "No, yeah, I'm fine. Honestly." I mustered up a small smile.

"Alright."

Bob walked away, I paid for my magazines and my shitty coffee, and we went back on the van. I was the first one on, which gave the place a weird, ghost-town vibe. I was about to sit down when something shiny on the table caught my eye. It looked a lot like the ring I'd given Eliza, but it couldn't be! Underneath it was a note in her handwriting.

**_I'm gone. Don't follow me, because I do not want you where I go._**

I picked up the ring, that was in fact the very one I gave Eliza, and twirled it around in my fingers. So she was gone. And so was Frank. I, for once, had absolutely nobody. I sat down on the floor, drew my knees up to my chest and cried.


	10. Chapter 10

I couldn't believe my courage. I kept my promise to myself, and I'd put Gerard in his place. I dare say that I'd done a damn good job. I was pleased. So pleased that I couldn't keep the grin off my face, even while laying there in my bunk where no one could see it.

But when I heard Gerard crying some time later, I didn't feel so great. I slowly rolled out of my bed and peeked round at Gerard. Or, at least, the crumpled mass I _thought_ had to be Gerard. He was sitting in a ball and shaking the tiny, frequent sobs. I don't know what compelled me to go over there, but something in the back of my mind did. So I sat next to him, put and arm around him, and drew him closer to me. He smelled like coffee, which I enjoyed.

"Gee, baby, what's wrong?" I whispered in his ear.

The only answer I got was another wail.

"That bad, huh?" I said, mainly to myself.

Gerard looked at me with tear-filled eyes and the biggest smile I'd ever seen him wear broke through his frown. It stretched as far as a grin could go, bore all of his teeth, and make little creases in the corners of his eyes. With that smile in my mind, I was putty in his hands. As much as I hated to be, and much as my promise screamed itself over and over in my mind, I couldn't help myself. Love is love.

Gerard began to bring his mouth closer to mine, but I leaned back. "Woah, Gee. You're not thinking clearly. Look at you! You're still crying."

"I-" Gerard's breathing was so erratic and shallow that he had to breathe in awkward places, "d-don't-" another breath, "care!"

I decided to put my inhibitions on the backburner, and kissed Gerard's quivering lips. His tears made my face a little damp, but I didn't care. Gerard was, in a way, free. Yes, he was sad about it but he could be with me. And that's what I wanted. It was a little selfish, yeah, but I wanted him more than anything. And now that he was technically single, I could kiss him and all the rest of it without feeling guilty.

Gerard pushed me down into a laying position and nipped at my neck the way I loved. I curled my toes that soon, having not had any sex in the last little while. I was rusty, alright?

But then I thought. Gerard was crying. I should at least do _some_ of the work. So I said, "Uh-uh. Relax. Let's make Frankie do some of the work, yeah?"

"'Kay," Gerard choked out.

I pushed him over, gently and had my way with his lips and his neck. We didn't notice until then that we weren't alone, for Ray had wandered back into the van. "This is like… consensual, right?"

I laughed. I was straddling Gerard and kissing him all over while there were tears streaming down his face. Of course the first thing that anyone would have thought was 'sexual harassment!'. "Yes, Ray, he wants it as much as I do, he's just upset."

I stood up, helping Gerard get up, too, and I swung his arm around my shoulder. Mikey, Bob and Brian all came in with knowing looks on their faces. Brian laughed uncomfortably and said, "Okay, so, here's the deal. We're gonna go get a hotel, you guys can do whatever in there, as long as we don't have to hear about it. And if you wait until we get there. Okay?"

I nodded vigorously and I looked up to see Gerard smile in appreciation. So I walked him over to my bunk where we sat, him holding me, and kissing little kisses on occasion. I was completely, utterly happy in that half-hour or so before we got to the hotel. It was some sort of tawdry, Holiday-Comfort-Super 8-Generic chain. I didn't pay attention to the name of the hotel, or how nice the lobby was or wasn't. I did pay attention to the bed in my room, though, and how eager I was to drag Gerard onto it.

And that's just what I did. I pulled Gerard on top of me and I eagerly engulfed his face with my kisses. His lips moved weakly along with mine, but he wasn't putting the energy that I was I was into it. So I decided to be decisive. I rolled myself on top of him and he smiled widely. I helped him shrug out of his jacket, and he put his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He seemed perfectly content to just kiss, but _I_ hadn't gotten laid in ages!

Seeing as how I was on top, I rubbed my thigh against the crotch of his jeans. I wasn't sure if I was making friction on the right stuff but with the way he was moaning, I think I was making some headway. He drew his knees up, enabling my leg more movement. "How about we just get right to it?" I suggested.

Gerard nodded. So, I flipped him over and he got on his hands and knees. I was already like a rock, so no preparation on my part was needed. But him on the other hand… shit! "Um, Gerard?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I don't have anything with me right now."

"Fuck!"

"Yeah. Want to come with me to the drug store to get some?"

Gerard stood up again, reluctantly, not bothering to put his jacket on. I had to rearrange myself in my jeans so that I wouldn't offend anybody, and I noticed Gerard doing the same. Ha.

We went to the in-hotel store, that thankfully sold the damn things, and we splurged on the variety pack. I had a feeling we were going to need them.

In the elevator, we couldn't control ourselves. I latched onto him like a parasite and he kissed me back just as urgently. We stumbled back to our hotel room, where I struggled with the key. Gerard wasn't making it any easier, because he was rubbing my hips under my shirt with cold hands, and he was biting my earlobe. "C'mon, Frankie!" he urged. "I want you!"

That did it. The door swung open and he kicked it shut. I shoved him back into position and we both pulled our jeans down just enough. I wrapped myself and dug my fingers into his hips for support. I rocked my hips back and forth, probably enjoying Gerard's sex noises more than the act itself.

When he tightened up, and I came, too, I collapsed onto his back in complete contentment. Nothing else could come between us. We were meant to be, I knew it.


	11. Chapter 11

**TIME LAPSE - Six months later, Gerard and Frank are living together in a house in L.A. **

"Hey, um, Frank?" Gerard asked, biting his lip. I knew something was up, because he never did that. I'd lived with him long enough to tell his nervous habits.

We were having a song-writing powwow, notepads on our laps, sitting on our black leather couch. I felt so great saying _our_ stuff. It sounded so final. So… well, I'd invented a word for it. So Frerard. You know, a combination of our names.

"Yes?" I answered automatically.

"How long have we been dating?"

I counted backwards. "Six months and… eight?-teen days?"

Gerard smiled and shook his head. "Longer than that."

"Nineteen days, then?"

He shook his head again. "Think. How long have we been…. together?"

I suddenly realized. Since we met. He was counting us as 'together' since the day the band formed. "Seven years."

Gerard nodded. "So, you'd say that's a long time, yeah?"

"Definitely."

"Long enough to want something concrete?"

"Concrete? Where are you going with this?"

Gerard started to blush. He _never_ blushed. "Would you like to hear a long-winded speech?"

Scared stiff, and not the good kind of stiff, I agreed. "Shoot, big guy."

"Okay, well, you love me, right?"

I rolled my eyes at the sheer obviousness of the question. "Of course I do!"

Gerard stood up and began to pace the room in a little line. "And I love you. Which is why I've been thinking this over or a month. See, when two people are in love, they typically take some steps with their relationship, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we've already moved in together. So, I was just wondering if you'd want something long-term. Something that could kind of link us together… forever. Would you be interested?"

I didn't know what to do, so I just nodded. Of course I wanted to be with Gerard for the rest of my life. But what the fuck was he talking about?!

"Good! Oh, fuck, you have no idea how amazing that little nod was. I actually don't have anything for you but my words, but, um, I was wondering if you'd want to marry me someday? I don't mean right now, I mean whenever. Five, ten, fifteen years… even if we're eighty and you decide to. I'll wait forever."

"Uh…" I trailed off, thinking about it. I had just been proposed to. By a guy. It had been my dream since I was in about grade seven, but now it was real. With my best friend. I couldn't find words. "I- uh… I mean, YES!"

Gerard let out a sigh. "Oh, thank God!" He ran back over, put both his knees on either side of me and kissed me. I went absolutely limp, aside from my hands, which I let roam along his back. No, not just _his _back; my fiancé's back. It was all too perfect. I didn't want anything to happen that would wreck it, so I made a split decision. "Gerard?"

"Yeah?" he broke our kiss to answer.

"How about we do it… soon."

"Do what now?" Gerard cocked an eyebrow.

"Get married. I just- I've lost you before and I won't lose you again." I admitted, shamefully.

Gerard got a knowing smile on his face. "Come on, then. We've got a trip to make."

He held out his hand and I took it. As he led me out of our house and into our car, I didn't ask any questions. Though after about two hours of driving, I began to wonder. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see. We're halfway there." Gerard answered, a large smile on his face. I stared at him for what seemed like a short time. He'd shift his eyes over to me every little bit, and he grinned when he saw that I was looking, too. I smiled, but chewed on my lip ring like I do when I'm nervous. Mainly because I was.

Although, what seemed like a short time, was actually two hours. I was only deterred by looking at my surroundings. It was night time, and we were in front of a small building with a big neon sign on it. Then comprehension took me over. "Gerard," I said slowly, "are we in the strip?"

Gerard reached across my lap and got some sunglasses from the glove compartment. Sliding them on, his grin got wider as he exclaimed, "Vegas, baby!"

"But gay marriage isn't-" I began, trying to understand what Gerard was doing.

"Legal yet? Yeah, I know. Commitment ceremony. I don't want to get married to the love of my life in some dodgy chapel. I want to stake a claim, though."

I giggled, jumping out of the car in my elation. Gerard took my hand and we walked in the place as two people engaged, and walked out as something more. Not quite married, but barely anything less. It wasn't much, just a room with vases of flowers, and a man with a book, reading something I was too lost in Gerard's eyes to understand. We kissed and went back to his car.

"So," he said, "care to find a motel? I hear it's tradition for newly-committed couples to find a rented bed and fuck their brains out. Seem like something you'd be interested in?"

"Interested is one way of putting it, yeah."

Gerard laughed and we red-lined it to a motel, checked in, and practically sprinted to our room.

He pulled my face onto his once we got in, not even bothering to turn on the lights. We kissed like normal, except there was a certain urgency about him. Not like any other time we'd fucked, but like he _needed _it. Not just wanted it. And I was happy to oblige him. I let my mouth stray from his, and go down his neck, occasionally flicking my tongue in the little dips in his collar and jaw bones. Meanwhile, he occupied himself with losing our clothes. He had his own jeans off before fumbling with mine. The motion of his hands made me swell up so that when he finally did yank my pants down, it hurt a little. And then he pushed me away. "Shirt. Off." he ordered.

I tugged my tee off in less than a blink. He looked on, impressed. I nodded down to his own covered torso, and he took his shirt off, throwing it to the corner of the room. I kicked my shoes off, and Gerard mirrored me. I looked down at his pink boxers and giggled. He was practically bursting through them! I was lucky the stitches weren't popping out. I looked downwards. Mine wasn't nearly as impressive. At least, from my angle.

Without saying a word, Gerard crawled on the bed. "Look in my pocket." he told me.

I dug into his jeans. Always prepared, there were several small, square wrappers. I rolled my eyes and took one. Gerard, seeing that I had what I needed, knelt with his back facing me on the bed. It wasn't our usual position… "Gee?"

"It feels really good like this, trust me. Just try it."

I nodded, slipped out of my own boxers and wrapped myself. I had to position myself awkwardly to get into Gerard, but once I did… wow. I had to copy his position, and I let my head fall into the crook between his neck and shoulder. He leaned his head back into mine and started to breathe heavily as I began to thrust. I draped one arm around his stomach and dug my fingers into his side. He reached back and took my other hand, putting his overtop of it. He guided our hands down to his length and moved them back and forth. He started to moan like a slut, so I knew I was doing something right.

"_Ohhh Frank_! You sound so _hot_!" Gerard groaned, his hand trembling on mine.

"You, too." I whispered. So I must have been just as loud as him. Oh, boy.

It started to feel better, so I started to go faster and harder, even though I was getting tired. I threw my head back and squeezed my eyes shut for what was about to happen. I shivered violently as I filled the rubber. But from what I heard, Gerard wasn't quite finished yet. So I kept going. He suddenly shook my hand out from under his and tossed it back. His own hand moved considerably faster than the both of us had been and I felt him hit his peak, too. My name fell from his mouth in the sexiest was possible when it happened.

I sighed, pulled out and walked with difficulty to the bathroom where I threw out the condom and wiped myself off. Then I thought. I should probably get a towel from Gerard, beings as he probably shot all over the bed sheets. When I walked out, though, he was already redressed in his jeans.

"Oh, Frankie. I was just gonna get that." he said, holding his hands out. I tossed him the towel and he laid it on his spot on the bed. Then he crawled in, beckoning me with his index finger. I quickly found the bottom half of my clothes, put them on, and slipped in beside him. Even in the dark and with my bleary eyes, I could make out his smirk. He covered my feet with his, and whispered, "I love you so, so much."

"I love you more." I whispered back, kissing the tip of his perfect nose.

_Easily the best day of my life,_ I thought, drifting into a deep sleep occupied by Gerard-dreams.

**Okay, loves, the rest is up to you. Do you want me to let it be and call it a fanfic, or would you like me to write about Gee and Frank's semi-married life?  
Tell me in a review. -thumbs up-**


	12. Chapter 12

**HELLOOOO!!!!! finally an update! i am so sorry to keep you waiting for a billion years. =)**

"I like this one." Gerard said, pointing to a ring in the display window of the jewellery store. It was a simple gold band, but it was really thick. He was absolutely beaming, wearing his almost ever-present sunglasses and a camouflage hoodie, so I found it difficult to say no.

"You may be a singer with huge hands, but it'll dwarf my finger and make weird noises on the guitar neck."

"True. Ooh! What about that one?"

I looked to where Gerard was pointing. A small, white gold band. It was perfect for our matching rings we'd decided to get in order to make something of a statement, seeing as how we'd staked a claim on each other two nights before.

We were about to go ask the girl behind the counter to bring it out, when an all-too-familiar, shrill voice called, "Oh my God! Gee?!"

I cringed at Eliza's voice, while Gerard turned enthusiastically. I hoped to never, never ever see her again, but I guess you can't be happy without a nice helping of shit right after. I turned around just in time to see them hugging, and I died a little inside.

"You remember Frank, right?" Gerard asked her tensely.

"Of course I do! What're you guys up to?"

"We're newlyweds!" I exclaimed, hugging Gerard from the side and catching him by surprise.

"Oh! That's… umm…" Eliza struggled for words.

"Not entirely true. We're committed." Gerard said, and I stopped hugging him. He wanted to deny me in front of the very bitch who'd torn us apart? I couldn't handle that right then, so I went back to look at more rings. Ten minutes passed, then fifteen. Gerard hadn't called me over or made any acknowledgement to my existence at all.

I looked back to see him smiling at Eliza like he had when they first met. The only difference was that he didn't have me before. I would have been fine to self-sustain back then, after a little while. But since we were tied to one another this time, I couldn't just get mad at him and block him out of my life completely like I had before. Seeing him with her cut me really deep. I decided to take matters into my own hands.

"Excuse me?" I asked the salesgirl who was behind the ring Gerard and I had been looking at.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, actually. That little white gold one, right there? Can I see it?"

"Of course. On you, you mean?"

"If I could."

"And what's your ring size?"

I sighed. It was lame to know my ring size off the top of my head, but I tell her anyway. "Nine and a half."

The salesgirl whips round to the back of the store and came out with the ring in a little box before I could blink five times.

"Here you are!" she chirped.

I took the ring and slid it on my left ring finger. It fit perfectly, it looked like it belonged there. I smiled down at my hand. I felt so… I don't know… married! Like it was official because of some metal. Superficial, I know, but it's amazing how one little thing can seem so significant.

"It looks very nice on you, sir."

"Thanks! I think so, too. Mind if I go show my fiancé?"

"Not at all."

I walked briskly over to Gerard, who was finishing a sentence. "… definitely the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. Oh! There he is!"

"Hey, guys! Sorry to break up the party, but look at it, Gee!" I held out my hand. He kissed the finger I was wearing the ring on and took my hand in his to get a better look.

"It looks so great. This is definitely it. I'm gonna go try mine on!"

"I'll see you around, then?" Eliza asked from directly in front of Gerard. Just her voice triggered my gag reflex.

"For sure."

Eliza looked like she was about to go in for a hug when Gerard swung his arm around my shoulder and walked me to the display window. The salesgirl who'd given me the ring looked very confused.

"Can I see that ring, too? But in an eleven?"

Wordlessly, she went and got a larger ring for Gerard. He put it on and held his hand next to mine. "This kind of means… forever, doesn't it, Frank?" Gerard asked wistfully.

"I thought you wanted it to be forever." I said, confused and kind of scared.

"No, no! I do! I'm just so… I'm kinda nervous."

I opened my eyes wide in shock. "What?! Gee, you have nothing to be nervous about. It's just us."

"Just us." Gerard repeated and kissed my cheek.

We paid for our rings and left the mall while holding hands. I loved how he didn't care what the other people in the mall thought. He just rubbed circles in my palm with his thumb, smiling down at me every now and again.

When we got home, we put our rings on and Gerard went for a nap. He didn't have any coffee that day, and seeing as how it was two in the afternoon, he said he didn't want to have any caffeine that late. I flicked on the TV and watched it at a low volume. Some trashy show about teenagers who were bratty in the extreme.

About ten minutes in, I heard a buzzing noise. My hand instinctively shot down to my right pocket, but my phone wasn't vibrating. I saw Gerard's hoodie in a heap on the couch opposite me, so I got up and took his cell out of the pocket to see if that was the source of the sound. Sure enough, he had a text message. I flipped the cell open to check the message and I instantly wished I hadn't. I blinked, but the name of the sender didn't go away.

**Message from: Eliza**

What the fuck?! Why would she be texting him?! I pressed the center button on the phone to open the message and swallowed, trying to make the room stop spinning.

**hi gee! so glad to have seen you again! you definitely got cuter. we should go get coffee tomorrow. ;) **

Okay. What. The. Hell? Eliza was texting my Gerard, and she was _flirting_ with him. And asking him out. But, of course, he didn't have to agree. I hoped that he wouldn't. He was my life now. If he broke that again, I don't know what I would do with myself. I mean, what _can_ you do when your life is taken away from you? You typically die.

I sighed, put Gerard's cell back where I'd found it, and sat back down to get back into the show. But I couldn't. Every part of me felt over animated, like they all needed to do something. Obeying my outsides and not my head, I walked out the door and took a brisk pace as I went down the street. It didn't seem to be enough, so I jogged a slow jog. Even that didn't satiate me. I broke out into a sprint and covered my whole community. I wasn't tired; I never stopped. I think it was the famous 'fight-or-flight' response, and I chose flight. Fuck, if I was running any faster, I _would_ be flying. I felt the wind sting my face, but I didn't pay it more than a second's attention. I just needed to get away from… well, truthfully I had no idea.

I was back where I'd started after a bit, back at my doorstep. I felt a little tired, so I sat down on it. The door creaked open behind me and nudged my back. I turned my head to see Gerard, his hair messy from sleep, rubbing one eye with one hand and waving at me with the other. I quite possibly fell in love with him over again right then and there. "Hi." he mumbled groggily.

"Hey." I panted.

"You went out?"

"Yeah, I felt like a run."

"Since when do you run?"

"Since today."

"Oh. Want to come in? I'm more entertaining when I'm awake."

I laughed and nodded.

Gerard led me inside and I was horrified when he reached for his cell phone in his hoodie pocket. My stomach did a somersault, and that 'flight' reflex all but dragged me out the door. My breathing got shallow, and I felt like I was choking.

"New text… what?" Gerard mumbled. "Fucking phone, it never lets me know anything anymore. Think I need a new one."

I stood there, hanging my head guiltily like a dog would do.

"Hey Frank?" Gerard asked suddenly, causing me to look up so fast I could have gotten whiplash.

"Mm?"

"Ray texted me, says he's in town. He wants me to hear this new song he's been working on tomorrow."

Oh, that little fucking liar!

"Can I go?" I asked.

"I'll text him back and ask."

Gerard's fingers flew, the ring - _my _ring - he was wearing threw little beams of light across the room as it moved.

His cell vibrated about fifteen seconds later, and he read it and smiled. Ugh.

"Ray says he can't let you hear it until it's done. He said you'd think of a melody, then-"

I interrupted him. I'd had enough of his bullshit. "ME, GERARD, OR HER?!"

He blinked a few times. "What?"

"Eliza or me?! It's fucking obvious you want her!"

"Frank, that's stu- that's crazy!"

"Fuck you! You know I'm right!" I was getting angrier by the second.

"You're nosy."

"I think I have a right to be! You shouldn't have to keep things from me if we're practically fucking _married_!"

"Because I knew you'd react like this! It's just coffee, Frank!"

"First it's 'just coffee'," I said in a mocking tone of voice and making finger quotes when I repeated him, "but then it's 'just dinner', and 'just sex'! That can't happen to us!"

"Woah! Back up. Is an _us_ even possible when you flip out over every little fucking thing?!"

Tears stung my eyes. Had he really just shifted the blame onto me, and then told me that there could possibly be no _us_? I reflexively turned away from him, and he put a hand on my shoulder. I shook it off violently. "DON'T YOU _FUCKING _TOUCH ME!"

"Frankie, I-"

"Fuck you! You don't get to talk! Do you have any idea how much this fucking _hurts_?!" My voice broke on the last word because I was about to cry.

"Would you please let me explain? I deserve that much."

"You don't deserve shit."

Gerard ignored that. "I picked you over her once, when I was in love with her!"

"You didn't fucking pick me! She left!"

Gerard looked hurt when I turned back around. Obviously I hit a nerve. But I didn't really care. I ran up the stairs and to our room, where I curled up on our bed, and let the tears brim over. I cried for myself, and how pathetic I seemed. How I hurt Gerard to the point where he was speechless. I cried for him, hating him for lying to me. Hating him for always hurting me. I gave all of myself to him, I fell in love with him, I moved in with him… I didn't understand why he would do that to me.

I eventually cried myself to sleep, right after I heard the door slam and the car start outside.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm sorry I haven't written in forever. Updates aplenty soon! And yes, I know this is really frickin' sad and really frickin' short, but it's gonna pick up! I swear!**

I felt trapped. That was the only way I could justify what I was doing. I could tell myself that, and I wouldn't feel so guilty about where I was driving to.

I didn't know why I treated Frank like I did. He deserved so much more, so much better than me. He deserved someone who wouldn't get scared of falling in love with him, someone who didn't create more conflict in his life. He didn't deserve a petty bisexual guy who was looking for every opportunity to run away from a happy life. Promiscuity is a bad habit, and it wasn't going to be stopped that easily.

I stopped my car outside of Eliza's house. I sighed to myself, fighting back tears and getting out of the car. I knocked on her door, and she answered straight away with a big smile on her face.

"I hoped you'd come, Gee!"

I felt my stomach get upset. "Ah… yeah. Awesome." I said, and gulped.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"Um, no, I think I'm okay. I gotta drive back home after this." I reminded her.

"Right." Visible disappointed painted her face.

I tried to get into the mood, actually fucking someone instead of just getting fucked most of the time seemed like a nice prospect. And even so, the person whose hips I'd been gripping for the last six months on the rare occasion I got to be on top was a man. They didn't have the same innocent, feminine qualities girls had. I liked to be the dominant one. But try as I might to get into the right mindset, I couldn't stop thinking of Frank. Even with Eliza standing right in front of me, begging me to do something. Not out loud, but her eyes spoke more loudly than she ever could have.

I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts I of the guy I was in love with and took Eliza's smooth, angelic face in my hands and crushed my mouth onto hers. I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to get hard so I could do what I came here to do. Even filling my head with the nastiest, dirtiest little guilty pleasures of mine, I couldn't do it. Eliza didn't seem too concerned, though, as she explored my mouth with her tongue. That alone could have gotten me solid a few months ago, but apparently not anymore.

"Gerard," Eliza breathed, breaking our kiss, already out of breath.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I blinked a few times. I couldn't respond. I knew I didn't love her. But I couldn't just tell her that either. "Eliza," I settled on saying solemnly, "you knew what this was."

She looked about to cry as she pulled herself out of my arms. "So? I thought that maybe if I told you how I felt…"

"You had six months to tell me how you felt. Are we gonna fuck, or what?" I asked, getting right to the point. I wanted to avoid talking, for there were much more productive ways she could be using her mouth.

"Gerard! Is that _all_ you can think about?!"

"That's all I came here for." I answered earnestly.

Eliza sighed. "Then I suppose I should give it to you, huh, daddy?"

I gulped and started to sweat. Only she knew that I loved to be called that. "I guess you'd better." But then I rethought. I should at least make sure she was alright. "But are you okay?"

"Yeah! No, I'm fine. I just thought I should tell you. But you don't love me back, so I'll get over it."

I didn't believe her for a second, but I also didn't want to spend the time being concerned. I just pulled her into me once more. I tried to get into the kiss, but Frank occupied my mind. I thought of how it felt kissing him, how his tongue was always warm when he ran it along my bottom lip whenever he wanted me to tongue him back. How it felt running down my chest, dipping into my bellybutton, down to my-

"Woah, there," I gasped as Eliza bit my neck a little harder than I would have liked.

"Sorry, Gee," she said, her breathlessness bothering me. And not in a good way. In a you're-pissing-me-off way.

I rolled my eyes at her deliberately and pulled her shirt over her head with what she seemed to think was excessive force. "Ouch! Gerard!" she chided when I got the offending fabric off her, exposing her lacy, black bra. She knew beforehand I was coming over, then. She had to have known.

She took my hand and put it to the left side of her chest. She seemed to enjoy when I dipped my fingers down into the fabric and out again just when it seemed like I was going somewhere with it. Eliza loved teases.

A while later, we were making out heavily on her bed, my shirt was off, as well and her jeans were scattered on her floor. Mine were undone, although there wasn't much going on in them, if you catch my drift. I could not, for the life of me, get myself in the right state of mind to fuck her. I was thinking too much. About Frank, about everything he did, and about how when I went home, sweaty and regretful, he would be there. I would have to lie to him again, I would have to hurt him more. I shut my eyes more tightly and clutched at Eliza's bare skin. I needed her to do something else. Maybe grind against me like Frank always did. That was enough to get me off in itself, usually. Then again, Frank in general was usually enough to get me off.

"What's wrong?" Eliza asked, moving her hand downwards to my frustratingly inactive cock.

"I don't- I don't know."

"I bet I can make it better," she said seductively, licking her lips.

_You won't be able to blow me better than Frank_, I thought. But I couldn't think of anything to say.

Eliza wasted no time in getting right into my pants and putting me in her mouth. But even thirty seconds of that couldn't get me hard. I didn't know why, because I'm usually really fast with that kind of stuff.

She must have remembered that, because she poked her head up and looked at me meaningfully. "I have no idea, Eliza. Maybe I should just go."

"I didn't mean that, all I tried to say was-"

I cut her off. "Yeah, I should definitely go. I mean, what am I doing? I've got Frank, and I was an absolute idiot to even come here. I appreciate the attempt, I really do, but I'm in love with him. You get that, right? No hard feelings."

"Gerard! How can I be expected to be okay with you saying that?!"

I knew I should have had more sympathy towards my ex-fiancée, but I didn't. She seemed like this object to me, and I instantly lost attraction the second I realized that. I didn't want anyone but Frank. I could only hope he'd feel the same way, too.

"You just are. We had our chance, and you killed it. Now, please let me leave."

Eliza didn't say anything, just watched me put my shirt back on and hurry out the door. My car wouldn't start at first; that pissed me off. I slammed my fist against the dash and, miraculously, the old shit-mobile roared to life.

I red-lined it back over to my house and ran to the door. It was locked. _Oh, boy_, I thought to myself. _I am fucking in for it now_.

I fumbled with my key in the dark, unlocking the door on the third try. I blinked into the blackened living room to see a form on the couch. I didn't have to see anything else to know it was Frank. The poor guy waited up for me. I didn't deserve that. I deserved an empty house and a slap in the face.

"Frank?" I whispered and turned on the light.

He fell off the couch and looked up at me. My heart broke into a fine dust. His eyes were swollen, his hair was tangled and he looked as if he'd aged ten years. He clamped his jaw shut and gave me the angriest look his devastated eyes could manage from his position on the floor. "Where the fuck have you been?" he snapped.

"You know." I squeak. "I'm not proud."

"You'd better not be. Why would you? Sneaking out on your supposed fiancé, or partner, or whatever it is that we are, isn't something to be proud of, Gerard."

I looked down at my feet. I almost wished he was angry. "I'm the opposite of that. I'm so ashamed I can't even look at you because I don't deserve your eye-contact."

"Don't use that fucking guilt trip shit on me! You're fucking satisfied with yourself!" Frank stood up to deliver that line to me.

"I'm not! I couldn't be more disappointed. I- I never wanted to hurt you."

"Well, you did! So that didn't work very well, did it?!" Frank yelled and stormed out of the living room.

I followed him, ending up in our bedroom. "Just go away. I can't deal with you right now." he said in a defeated tone. If he wasn't one for yelling, he was certainly one for making me feel like shit.

"Show me your hand." I commanded.

"What the fuck does that have to do with-" Frank began but he was cut off by me grabbing his arm and holding his hand up. The ring wasn't there. I wasn't really prepared for that outcome.

"Maybe I shouldn't have done that…" I mumbled to myself. "So, what does that mean? You don't love me, or something?"

"Don't do the guilt trip thing. Look at this logically. Why should I marry a man who can't seem to stop hurting me? Does that seem fair to you?"

My vision was blurred by the tears that sprang to my eyes. I slipped off my own ring. "No," I choked. "I guess it's not."

I pressed the ring into Frank's hand and let go of it.

I walked back out to the living room and turned off the light. I curled up into a ball on the couch, unsure of where else to go or what else to do. I just thought of what a fuck up I'd been to let someone like Frank go. I'd never get anybody that perfect again.

_Oh, Gerard, _I thought to myself. _You fucking screw-up. _


	14. Chapter 14

**IT'S SHORT I KNOW, I'M SORRY. But I feel like you guys deserve an update. Albeit a teeny one. And it's not even depressing! Fancy that!**

I woke up alone. I expected to, of course, but I hoped in the back of my mind that Gerard would forgive me. But why should he have? I went a little bit ape shit for no good reason. Well, it was a good reason, but it's not like I was surprised, and at least he came back… Regardless, I took off the ring that bonded me to him, and then he'd returned his to me. Like I was going to do anything with it.

I rolled out of the bed and opened my top drawer to find the pair of identical rings overlapping on top of one of my socks. I took the smaller of the two and put it back on my finger, thinking I may have been too harsh the night before. I knew Gerard wouldn't feel so ready to forgive me, though.

I walked out to the living room to see him sleeping upside down on the couch, like a bat. His head was on the carpet and his feet were up along the wall. At least his torso was comfortable. My stomach felt as if it was on fire.

I padded silently to his side and sat cross-legged on the floor. I watched his chest move up and down with every deep, even breath. He was dreaming. I knew that from the past six months. His mouth was twitching and he was mumbling nonsense. Except I think I picked up my name. He looked as if he was in pain, though. Probably a nightmare.

"Gee?" I said softly. He responded by scrunching up his face and rolling over, still asleep. His nonsense became frightened yelling, so I shook his shoulder. I wished fleetingly that I had someone to do that for me when I had those nightmares of mine.

"Ah!" he hollered and rolled over to face me.

"You were having a nightmare." I explained. "And obviously not a very comfortable sleep."

"Mmph." he mumbled and dropped his legs so they were on the floor over his head, pushed himself with his hands and did a somersault. "Sorry."

I suppressed a laugh at his method of getting off the couch, but I was still confused about his apology. "For what? Having a nightmare? I hardly think that-"

"No, not the nightmare. For being the world's biggest, stupidest fuck-up." he apologized, his voice thick with sleep.

I scooted closer to him and took his hand in mine, showing him the ring back in its rightful place. "It's alright. I don't like when we fight."

"Me either. I'll do my very best to make sure it never happens again."

I kissed his cheek. "You better."

Gerard looked confused. "So, that's it?"

"What's it?"

"You're just gonna forgive me? I don't get like, whipped?"

I laughed. "Not unless you want me to. And I guess it's okay. It's nothing Frank and Gerard can't get over, you know?"

Gerard looked extremely happy. "I know."

"That was sure easy, huh?" I asked.

"What was easy?"

"That you apologized, and I forgave you that fast. It was easy."

"Maybe that means…" Gerard trailed off, then shook his head. "Naw. Never mind."

"Say it! Because now I'm just curious."

"Well, no. It's just all sappy and-"

"I like it when you're sappy! You know as well as anyone that it makes me blush. And I know that you like it when I blush."

"Yeah…" Gerard got up and went to the kitchen by the sounds of his feet on tile. I heard a rustling of paper and more footsteps. Gerard plopped down beside me holding a newspaper. He flipped to a page and pointed out the headline to me.

**SAME-SEX MARRIAGE LEGALIZED IN CALIFORNIA**

I had to stare at it for a second or two to make sure it was really there.

"So, I was thinking that maybe the easiness of it all means we should get married. It's like, a sign. But you probably think I'm stupid. It's cool if you say no."

"Gerard," I said slowly, careful to enunciate each word, "do you have any idea how much I love you right now?"

"I think I might have an inkling." he said and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "If it's anywhere near as much as I love you, it's a shitload."

"It's more, I assure you." I said and nuzzled my head into his shoulder. I felt so complete, clichéd as that may be. Like, nothing could happen to me so long as I was with Gerard. Which was stupid, because he was usually the source of all my troubles. How confusing to love one's antagonist…

In any case, I was happy for the moment. I felt warm and fuzzy and whole and in love and alive, all at the same time.

Gerard kissed my head and said, "We should call the guys. Let them know what's up."

I let a huge smile creep from ear to ear at the fact that Gerard was being so open about this. "Okay. Like, right now?"

"I don't see why not."

I scampered away from him, much as I hated to, and got the phone. I dialled Mikey first and put it on speaker. He answered after a couple of rings. "Hello?"

"Hiya, Mikey!" I exclaimed, way too exuberant.

Gerard laughed at me and said, "Hey, little brother. Guess what?"

"What?"

"Frank and I have some news for you."

"News, hmm? I don't much like the sound of that."

"It's good news, don't worry." Gerard clarified. "Do you wanna say it, Frankie?"

"Yeah! Mikey, Gerard and I are getting _married_! Like, for real!"

Mikey made a choked little surprised laugh. "You're kidding! That's awesome, guys! D'you want me to conference in Bob?"

"Sure." Gerard said nonchalantly.

There was a silence and Gerard slid his arm around my waist. The phone began to ring and Bob picked up. "Yeah?" he answered.

"Hey, Bob." we all said at the same time.

"Hi, guys. What's up?"

"Gerard and Frank have some news for you!" Mikey chirped. He seemed in higher spirits than me, even!

"What's that?"

"We're getting married!" Gerard blurted, squeezing me closer to him.

"Seriously? Congrats, guys! I'm happy for you. D'you want me to call Ray and get him in on this?"

"Would ya?" I asked.

There was another silence and another set of rings before Ray's voice was heard. "Hey, there."

"Hi!" we all exclaimed.

"Woah! What's up?"

"We have something to tell you." I said, looking at Gerard to let him speak. Instead, he held up three fingers. He put one down, and then another. I realized he was counting down. I smiled and waited for his index finger to fall.

"We're getting married!" Gerard and I hollered at the same time.

"Really?! Holy shit! That's awesome! I'd hug you, but I'm not exactly in L.A."

"You will be for the wedding, won't you?" Mikey asked.

"Duh! When's it gonna be?"

"As soon as possible." Gerard said in a sickeningly sweet way.

I grinned. "Yeah, so get your asses down here!"

Gerard laughed at my attempt to be threatening. "God, I love you so much." he breathed, kissing my neck. I shivered.

"I love you, too." I replied, pressing my lips to his temple.

"Mm." he moaned in satisfaction.

"'Kay, guys?" Bob asked. I'd forgotten we were on a conference call.

"Oh, shit, s-sorry." I stuttered out.

"Save it for the honeymoon, would you?"

"Yes, Bob." Gerard droned.

"So just let us know when you're having this thing, alright?" Ray told us.

"Definitely." I answered.

"We'll talk to you guys later." Gerard said, a menacing look in his eyes.

"Okay, congratulations, you two. We couldn't be happier." Mikey said with sincerity.

"Thanks, Mikes." I said.

"Bye!" Gerard said after he'd picked up the phone. Everyone returned the goodbye and Gerard tossed the phone across the room.

He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes of his for a second or two, then pounced.


	15. Chapter 15

**Oi, i know it's lame. There shall be more substance in later updates. xD**

I let myself surrender under Gerard. I really wanted to. We hadn't had sex in the last little bit, so I was willing to do anything. He planted kisses along my jaw line and paid special attention to my neck. I wondered in the back of my mind where he learned to swivel his tongue like he was doing. "_Ah_," I breathed, barely audible. Gerard seemed to have picked it up, though, because he laughed a little bit and nuzzled his nose into my collarbone.

"I love you so fucking much it's a little bit ridiculous." he said.

"The feeling is mutual." I replied.

Gerard bit me a little bit. I didn't like it, but I rode it out. He stopped after a little while and started to mess with the hem of my shirt. I helped him out by sitting up and tugging it off myself. "There," I said. "Now you."

Gerard practically ripped his off and chucked it elsewhere. I didn't pay attention to where, exactly, because Gerard made this animal grunt as he rolled back on top of me, dragging his tongue along my now-exposed chest.

I felt a little bit guilty, so I rolled him over and bit his neck like he liked me to do. His breathing became shallow, so I knew I was doing it right. I deftly moved my hands downwards and underneath him, under his jeans and boxers, down to his ass, getting a good grip. I started to grind my crotch against his, revelling in the feeling and burying my face into his shoulder. "D'you like that?" I moaned into his ear.

"Yeah, I like it." he moaned back.

I didn't think about taking pants off or whatever else we had to do, no warm-ups, no bed. I could only think about how I hadn't came in what seemed like years. I thought about how close I felt I was, and how I didn't want to stop. Gerard was making some pretty encouraging sounds, so that was all the more reason to keep going. And then… _oh shit_.

I stopped moving. I was too embarrassed to move. Especially that general area. I just did something I had never done before; I came in my fucking skivvies.

"Shit," I muttered and rolled off Gerard. I felt gross, and satisfied at the same time. It was weird.

"Why'd you stop?" he asked, innocent as ever.

"Ah, no reason. I've gotta go to the bathroom."

"Can't it wait?" Gerard pleaded, rolling over to me and kissing my cheek.

"I've really gotta go!" I said, and scampered off to our room. I took a pair of new boxers out of my underwear drawer and stripped my jeans off. I put them in the hamper and do the same with my old boxers. Ewwww.

I went to the bathroom and shut the door quietly. I cleaned myself off to hide the evidence and stepped into my fresh boxers. I flushed the toilet to sound convincing. I washed my hands and slipped out of the bathroom. I walked demurely back to the living room and over to Gerard.

"Mm," he groaned in disappointment. "You took off your pants. Where's my fun now?"

"Sorry."

"Ah, that's alright. By the way, nice job shooting in your jeans." Gerard laughed.

I swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, please. I've lived with you for just over six months now. I know what happens when you do that, and it was classic Frankie."

"Shit." I muttered again.

"Aw!" Gerard said, sitting up. "Don't be embarrassed. Come here." He outstretched his arms. I covered the distance between us and gratefully fell into them.

"It was kinda hot." he purred.

"Bullshit." I snickered, knocking my head against his shoulder.

"Actually! Like, a hundred percent. Hot."

"Well thanks." I offered a small smile.

"Don't mention it," Gerard said, kissing the top of my head. "You good to go again?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Always."

Gerard grinned for a split-second, showing all of his teeth, right before he crushed his mouth onto mine. The arms that held me were pulling me closer to him, nails digging into my back. I used my free hands to reach between us and work on his fly, emancipating his dick. Gerard let his tongue explore my mouth as I reached my hands down into his boxers and started to move them up and down his length. He moaned into my mouth. I felt him about to shoot, so I stopped.

"Ah, fuck you!" he spat.

"You'll thank me later." I said, lying down.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Methinks I'm about to let you fuck me."

"Nah," Gerard said, laying beside me. "You be on top. I like it."

"I like it too, but I thought you wanted to-" I began, about to mention Eliza, but I fought the urge. "Never mind. If you're sure."

"I'm positive."

I smiled to myself, but frowned a second afterwards. Whoever was on top had to get the provisions. I groaned as I got up and went to the bedroom. I found the box of condoms in the familiar hiding place. Well, they weren't so hidden, because the bright green box stood out amongst my socks. I grabbed whatever was left of them and practically sprinted back to Gerard. I knew I was too anxious, like an animal during mating season, but it was put out of my mind. I didn't think about how Gerard managed to be so damned cool and collected about sex whereas I wasn't. I just _wanted_ him.

I wrapped myself and wasted no time getting into him. It wasn't like it used to be, where I'd have to spend, like, an hour before he was comfortable enough to the point where I could get a decent rhythm. After six months of almost-daily fucking, you get used to it. Doesn't hurt as much, not as awkward, not as monumental, of course, just kind of routine. The best part of your day, likesay. Except this was just the second best part of my day. I'd found out I got to actually marry the love of my life. That can make a guy pretty happy. And, of course, for once, think about something _other_ than sex.

Although when you're ploughing into the love of your life's heat, it's hard to concentrate on commitment. Despite having came in the preceding five minutes, I lasted just as long as Gerard did. I was proud of that, because compared to me, he took forever.

I pulled out and went to the bathroom to clean up, not as tired as I should have been. Perhaps it was because I was so happy it should have been illegal. That kept me from falling asleep.

I thought to have a shower, because I hadn't had one since the night before and a lot of shit (and sweat) happened since then. So I start the water and hop in. I absolutely love, love, love showering. After being on the Warped Tour, you realize that showering inside, with hot water and soap that smells nice is a luxury not to be taken for granted.

I let the water wash all over me, revelling in the warmth accompanied by the clean feeling. I was pretty much in heaven. Well, the closest thing to heaven without Gerard.

I was towelling off when he knocked. "Come in." I invited, wrapping the towel around my waist.

"You done with the shower?" he asked from beside me, wearing some track pants.

"Yep." I choked out. I still wasn't used to his gorgeousness, clichéd as that may sound. It wasn't like a hot tub where gradually the temperature grows on you and you learn to deal with it, oh no. It was as if every five minutes, someone turned the temperature way up, and you had to start all over again.

"Did you leave me any hot water?"

"Enough." I said, finding myself staring at him as he stripped out of his pants and got into the shower. I shook my head and left the bathroom, trying to stop my heart from beating out of my chest. But with Gerard around, it was a lost cause.


	16. Chapter 16

**I personally like this one. =) it's all gooshy and stuff. i'm a sucker for gooshy and stuff.**

The next month was a flurry of wedding plans. Honestly, I barely even knew what was going on. It wasn't like a straight-wedding. Finding someone with relaxed enough morals to marry Gerard and I was enough of a challenge. We ended up having to book it at City Hall, but that was alright with us, because in an attempt to be non-discriminatory, this hotel ballroom gave us a good price for the reception. If you think the definition of 'reception' is 'a bunch of people getting drunk in a place with marble floors', that is.

That was the easy part. The hard part was going to be telling our parents. It was two weeks before said 'big day' and we still hadn't let them know. We thought that we should at least tell them face-to-face before they got the invite. You know, for courtesy.

We took a plane across the damned country to tell Gerard's family first, then mine. Thank God they both lived in Jersey or I'd be too jet-lagged to remember I was getting married. Even thirty-four thousand feet couldn't curb my nervousness. I was squirming in my seat the entire five or so hours, with Gerard holding my hand and occasionally whispering, "It's gonna be okay. You'll be fine."

When we landed, I was a wreck. I was sweating in the taxi, scared I might just melt into a pool of Frank. At least then I wouldn't have to tell my dad that I'm gay, let alone marrying another guy. I tried desperately to calm down and look presentable to Gerard's family so they wouldn't think he was marrying a spastic dwarf.

"You ready?" he asked encouragingly, squeezing my hand. We were parked outside of Gerard's old house and the cabbie was looking at us expectantly.

"No." I stated, squeezing back and grabbing the cab fare from my back pocket. I gave it to the driver, said thank you and got out. We only both had a backpack with us, seeing as how we were leaving the next morning. We were planning on staying at Mikey's place for the night until five in the morning when we had to fly back out to L.A., and Mikey was coming with us.

"You'll do fine." he promised, leading me up the steps to his door and ringing the bell.

Gerard's mom answered, looking a little bit confused at the hand-holding, but cordial nonetheless. "Hello, you two!"

"Hey, mom!" Gerard exclaimed and hugged her with his free arm, while I clung onto his other one for dear life.

"Hi, Donna." I muttered, looking at my shoes.

"Come in, come in!" she exclaimed. The poor old bird was about to get her heart broken and her world rocked. It's every mother's dream to have their little boy marry some nice girl, have a couple Rhodes scholar kids and all that. Not marry some college-dropout incapable of having a baby.

We did as she said and sat down in her living room. Mikey was there, surprisingly, but he was a sight for sore eyes. I smiled widely at him and he mirrored it. But it was disconcerting to see Gerard's dad sitting next to Mikey on the larger couch in their living room.

"What did you want to tell us?" Donna asked, motherly and concerned. My stomach lurched.

Gerard and I were holding hands in the middle of the living room, all eyes on us. I gulped. "Mom," Gerard began steadily, "dad. Frank and I… well, you know how close we are, right?"

Everybody nodded. "Good. Now, as much as you'd like to think you know how close we are, you don't know the half of it. You know we live together, yeah?"

More nods. "What you don't know is _why_ we live together. We do because we're…" he took a deep breath and looked at the floor, his cheeks flushed crimson. I squeezed his hand, emboldened enough to continue for him. "We live together because we're in love. And we're getting married in two weeks, and it'd be nice of you guys to come. Mikey is."

"Oh…" Donna trailed off, blinking rapidly.

"Well, then. We'll be there, son." Gerard's dad says uncomfortably.

Mikey smiled at everyone, alleviating the tension from Gerard and I. "Isn't that great, you two?"

Donna offered a small smile while Gerard's dad just stayed silent and hard-jawed. He nodded once.

"We'd love to stay and chat, but we've got my parents to tell." I said cordially enough and led Gerard out the door. He started to hyperventilate.

"I can't," a gasping breath, "believe," another one, "they know."

"Gee, baby," I cooed, kissing his cheek. "you were brave. I love you for doing that; it takes a lot to be so courageous, and you did it! You have no idea how proud I am."

"You condescending, sexy prick." Gerard reasoned, kissing me briefly.

Mikey came out then, and gave us the story. "They're coming to the wedding. Mom's happy for the two of you, dad's a little bit in denial. She's worried about… infections… and he's just worried that Gerard's not gonna marry a woman, 'stead of Frankie."

I burst out laughing. Of course. Her son just came out of the damned closet and she was worried about AIDS. Good god. If only she knew how safe we were.

"That's good." Gerard said.

"It is! Now, we've gotta tell my folks…" I trailed off, walking with Mikey to his car. He knew where my parents' house was. We all drove there in silence, me trying to think of elaborate ways to tell my parents about me.

Unfortunately, one twenty-minute car ride wasn't nearly enough for me to get a decent plan. I leaped from the car and up my steps, knocking on my door. Well, their door. Gerard wasn't with me, but I didn't care. I didn't need him there, looking all adorable and a little guilty.

I barged in, and my mom and dad yelled hello at the same time. They were sitting at the kitchen table, my dad reading the newspaper and my mom reading a book. "Hi." I said sheepishly.

"How are you, son?" my dad asked.

"Eh, I'm actually really good, dad. But I need to tell the two of you something…"

"What's that?" my mom inquired, looking up at me with concern.

"I'm… um…" I puffed out a large exhale. "Gay."

They didn't say a damn thing. Just stared at me, like I was someone new. I felt helpless, and as if on cue, Gerard came in and stood beside me, nodding at my parents. Mikey wasn't anywhere to be seen. "But wait," I mumble, "there's more."

"More?" Mom gasped.

"Yeah, more. Gerard and I… uh, we're… well in two weeks we're-"

"Getting married. I know, it's unexpected but the truth is we're in love. We've been in love since we met and I wouldn't have it any other way. Better me, someone you know, than a girl you'd have to learn to love, yeah?" Gerard interrupted.

My dad took a deep breath. "You're sure about this?"

"Of course I'm sure!" I blurted. "You can't just rethink being _gay_!"

"Well, Frankie," Mom cooed, trying not to be the bad guy, "If he's what you want, then I'll gladly welcome him to the family."

"Really?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes. I support you in no matter what you do. You're my baby!" she exclaimed as she got up and put her arms around me. I hugged her back tightly, tears falling from my eyes. It was a beautiful, lovely, warm feeling to be accepted by the people you loved. I do the emotion no justice by trying to explain it. It's the absolute tops.

"Do Gerard's parents know about… the two of you?" my dad asked, uncomfortable.

I sniffled and tried to compose myself. "Uh, yeah. We were just over there breaking the news."

My mom stopped hugging me and rushed over to Gerard, flinging her arms around him. He looked a bit shocked at first, but eventually warmed up to the impromptu show of affection. I actually felt really nice looking at Gerard hugging my mom. If she approved of us that much at such a time then I knew we were going to make it in the long haul.

I looked over at my dad, who offered me a small smile. "Well," he finally said, "at least you're both happy."

"Oh, you have no idea, Sir." Gerard said from my mom's embrace. My dad didn't look like he thought much of that.

"We'd like to say, but we've got to see the guys and stuff… so, yeah. Sorry to drop the ball on you two like that." I apologized. "I just didn't know how to tell you…"

"At least you did, Frankie. That's all we can do, is support you. Right Frank?" Mom was addressing my dad.

Dad nodded and gave me a small nod. I think I was supposed to interpret that as his blessing. Mom ushered Mikey, Gerard and I out the door and to Mikey's car, being overly cordial. I knew she was going to be bitter about this when she got back to the house; she was just putting her brave face on. Although I could see through it, I appreciated it immensely.

We drove over to Ray's place first, where he answered the door on the first couple knocks Gerard gave. The smile on his face was absolutely comforting. He slammed into Gerard for the ultimate bro-hug. "Hey, Toro. We missed ya." Gerard said, the happiest I'd seen him all day.

"Toro missed you, too. C'mon in!" Ray stepped aside and let us into his bungalow. He'd done well for himself since the band took a little break. I was proud of his digs; everything had its place and the color scheme was burgundy walls and various browns for the furniture. It was classy, very classy.

"What brings you back to Jersey?" Ray asked after we'd settled into his living room.

"We had to tell our parents." Gerard mumbled, still probably mortified from doing so.

Ray nodded like he understood. "And how'd that go?"

"Surprisingly well!" I exclaimed, trying to pick up the conversation.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was there for both confrontations and only happy tears were shed. It was nice overall." Mikey concurred.

"Cool! Hey, do you guys want me to call Bob up and make this a real reunion?" Ray suggested.

"Fuck yeah!" Mikey, Gerard and I all said at the same time. Ray laughed and went to the phone. I heard numbers being dialled and Ray's one-ended conversation. It sounded like Bob was able to make it.

We chatted about life up 'til then, showed Ray and Mikey our rings and drank Coke until Bob came. The first words out of his mouth were, "I always fuckin' knew you two would marry each other!" Despite his brashness, we all hugged him and he admired our courage.

"How'd telling your parents go?" he asked.

"Swimmingly!" Gerard said, giggling maniacally with his eyes shut and baring all of his teeth. I pretty much fell in love again.

"Indeed, Gee baby." I replied, laughing a little bit myself.

"'Kay, I have an announcement! Or… something." Mikey suddenly proclaimed. We all listened. "Alright, so, isn't it absolutely perfect how Frank and Gerard got together? Like, they were best friends and all before that. I mean, after all the shit that happened before… well, I'd like to do a really cheap toast." He lifted up his Coke can. "To Frankie and Gerard!"

The rest of the guys and I raised our own cans, and I couldn't agree more with what Mikey said. I thought of the two weeks ahead, and the years after that, and smiled to myself so widely that my cheeks hurt.


	17. Chapter 17

**hella short, and it's in little time periods, signified by "-----" so yeah. enjoy.**

"Augh!" I said, looking in the full-length mirror in our room. I looked too formal for my taste. Too formal indeed. And I did not want to wear a stupid tie.

"Frankie," Gerard said, coming into the room, looking like a high-profile movie star as opposed to the unlucky sap who got to marry me. "You look absolutely handsome. Need help with that?"

"Would you?"

"Sure." he replied, agreeably as always.

"Hey, Gee?" I asked as he started to tie my tie.

"Yeah?"

"Remember the first time you did this for me?"

The most sincere smile I'd ever seen broke across Gerard's face. "That was a fantastic day, wasn't it?"

"Beyond fantastic, my love."

Gerard finished tying me up and patted my shoulder. "Not nearly as fantastic as today is going to be."

I sighed. Leave it to Frankie to be the pessimist on his wedding day. I hated suits, and I hated gatherings of people. I hated having the affair in City Hall, and I hated that Gerard got to look so damned good and so damned happy while I looked like some sort of pissy teenager. "I guess."

"What's the matter, hubby?" Gerard asked, kissing the top of my head. Standing next to me, he looked like a tall, beautiful, long-haired angel dressed in the same black dress pant/blazer/white button-up combo with a matching tie. All the rage this season, you know. Or at least, that's what the salesgirl told us…

"Inferiority complex." I pouted, not bothering to hide the truth.

"Frankie! Who do you feel inferior to?!" Gerard looked honestly innocent. That made me suspicious.

"Look at you!" I exclaimed, gesturing to him. "You're a babe of the highest order. You're perfect, you're handsome, you're funny, you're witty, your voice is incredible, you're strong-willed, you're my best friend, you - by some random act of God - love little ol' me, you're marrying me, we fuck on a regular basis, and yet I still haven't been struck down by a lightning bolt! I haven't been crushed by a telephone pole, nor have I fallen off any buildings. If karma hasn't gotten to me, my shitty self-esteem sure has!" I finished, taking a breath.

Gerard whipped me around, putting his two large hands on my shoulders so I couldn't look away. He bent down slightly, to my less-than-average height and locked his eyes with mine. "Frank Anthony Iero, you're fucking delusional. I'm not perfect; I've cheated on you and broken your heart countless times. Somehow you've found it in that mended heart of yours to stay with me through all that. I mean, shit. You have no idea how happy it makes me to wake up next to this gorgeous face you've got every morning. All that you do and are is everything to me. You are my world, my oxygen, my drug, my love, my best friend, my baby, my drama queen, and you're about to be my husband. And you know what?"

I couldn't reply. I was too busy trying to choke back tears. "What?" I finally squeaked, my voice breaking with the question.

Gerard took my hand and placed it on his chest. I felt a rapid pounding underneath it. "That's what happens every single damned time I see you. I love you. We now have physical evidence of that. Now, we're going to be late for the best day of our lives, so I suggest we get to the car."

I took advantage of the raw emotion that consumed me and Gerard's being at my eye level to pull him close and kiss him with all I had. He pried me off of him gently. "Save it for the honeymoon." he said, winking.

-----

Ray, Mikey and Bob, clad in suits and all, were waiting for us outside of City Hall. It wasn't a special building by any means, but it looked formal enough to host a wedding. We all hugged, got a little choked up. It wasn't quite two o'clock yet, and our families hadn't arrived, so we all talked for a little bit.

"God, I can't get over this. It's too perfect, you know?" Ray said with sincerity.

"Definitely, definitely. Like, after all that crap before… it's amazing how you two have stuck it out." Bob concurred.

Mikey didn't say anything. He just smiled at us like he was the proudest person on Earth. His eyes were shining, either with pride or with tears. My bet was on tears.

Our parents drove up a couple minutes later and hugged all of us. By then it was two, so we all went in. I lagged behind at the door, though. My stomach flip-flopped like crazy. Ironic as it was, and as much as I loved Gerard (which was with my whole self), I wasn't sure of anything. I was fucking nervous as hell.

"What's up?" Gerard asked from behind me.

"Oh!" I gasped, jumping a little. "You scared me. And nothing's up, I'm just a little scared." I shamefully admitted.

"Wanna know something?" he murmured in my ear.

"Sure."

"_I'm fucking terrified, too_." he whispered.

"Really?"

"Legit. But you know what we've got to do?"

I turned around to face him. "What?"

"Just walk in there, and fucking do it. No second thoughts, no hesitation, you know?"

I nodded, swallowed, and took the first step forward towards the rest of my life.

-----

"I do solemnly declare that I know of no legal reason why I, Frank Iero, may not be joined in marriage to Gerard Way." I proclaimed, standing to face Gerard. The declaration wasn't so romantic, but it was what it symbolised. It wasn't a clichéd 'I do', which was nice, too. The last thing Gerard and I were was clichéd.

The official who was marrying us nodded at Gerard. At first, he was alright. He said, "I do solemnly declare that I know of no reason why I, Gerard Way-" he swallowed. "may not be joined-" and he didn't finish the rest. Gasping, choking sobs were all he could manage. "in-in-"

"Gee! Baby!" I exclaimed and instantly wrapped my arms around him. "It's okay, it's okay. Shhh."

"I-" he sniffled and coughed, "know. It's. Just. That. I'm. So. HAPPY!"

I shook my head and grinned. This big, commitment phobic goof was crying and _I _wasn't. "Gee, you don't get to cry if I don't. You're doing fine. Just a couple words left."

Gerard took a big breath. "Marriage to Frank Iero."

"Well," the guy said, "it's official. Best of luck."

I found Gerard's mouth and kissed it furiously. The reaction from our family and friends who were standing around was an uncomfortable silence. But, when I pulled away and grinned at them, they applauded.

-----

"Congrats, big brother!" Mikey exclaimed, hugging Gerard.

"Thanks, kiddo. You and Alicia next, eh?"

"I hope so."

Mikey then turned to me. "Congrats, Frankie. We're like, brothers now!" he said as he wrapped his arms around me.

"We totally are! And thanks. Your support through this has been like, the most amazing thing…"

Mikey smiled at me and walked off to the other side of the ballroom where the food was.

Everyone else did that, too. Well, all of our friends anyways. Our parents were nuts about it. Both my mom and Gerard's mom were bawling like I hadn't seen before. I teared up, too, when I saw my mom like that. I didn't know what else to do, so I just bear-hugged her until she spluttered out a congratulatory sentence. I thanked her and looked to my dad. He just had his hand stuck out. Stupid, conservative fathers… Nonetheless, I put my hand in his and shook it. Without warning, he jerked me towards him and hugged me closely. I made a noise that sounded like, 'shplach!' at the shock.

As soon as I had been in that chokehold of an embrace, I was released from it. I looked over at Gerard. He was hugging his crying mom and his dad was rubbing her back, looking absolutely proud. That was a change. If there is a God, I thanked him right then for such accepting parents. I imagined part of their tears was sadness that this marriage wouldn't produce any grandchildren, but the hugs were nice.

The reception carried into the wee hours of the morning before everyone went home. Gerard and I were the only completely sober ones. When I was driving, he kept on kissing my cheek, my neck, rubbing his hand along my thigh, basically anything to warrant a gasp or a gulp from me.

"Ger_ard_." I chided. "I'm trying to drive."

"What?" he asked innocently. "It's our honeymoon."


	18. Chapter 18

**HELLO, gosh, a new chapter after HOW many zillion years?! does anyone even read this anymore!? xD **

We stumbled back into our room, jackets lost along the way. My tie was practically asphyxiating me, but I didn't care. Frank's hands were in my undone pants; one teasing me at the front, and one grabbing me at the back. My own wandering hands made their way up Frank's shirt, tracing his spine lightly, feeling his goosebumps. I fell onto the bed on top of Frank, like I so often was every time we had sex. I didn't mind, of course.

"Frank?" I asked breathlessly.

"What?" he groaned, exasperated.

"I have, um, something I wanted to try…" I admitted sheepishly.

"What's that, then?" Frank grumbled.

I climbed off of him and tiptoed over to my nightstand. I opened the drawer and pulled out two things I had bought a few days ago. I tossed the restraints and the cat o' nine tails on the bed and looked at my feet. Frank didn't say anything at first.

"What the fuck are these for?"

"What do you think they're for, Frankie? Do I have to spell it out? I'm humiliated enough right now!"

"I think you might have to spell it out because all I see are handcuffs and a whip."

"Well, you know how I like to dominate, right?"

"Yeah…"

I sighed and crawled back into bed. I took a breath. "I want. To fuck you. The rough way."

Frank looked shocked for a second. But then the shock gave way to mischief. "I'm open to new things…"

I grabbed the cat o' nine tails and cracked it against my palm. "You sure, you worthless fuck?"

"Not if you're going to call me names!"

I chuckled. Frank did not get the mechanics of this. "I don't mean it. Some people get off on being called scum. If you don't, then I'll stop."

"I don't."

"Oh." I said indifferently and cracked the whip on Frank's ass. "That okay?"

"_God yes_!" Frank cried. So he liked it?! Why hadn't I brought this up before?

"Mm, good." I brought it down on the middle of his back. "Because it'll be happening a lot if my Frankie is _bad_."

"Frankie has been naughty!" he snarled, obviously hungry for another flog.

"Not yet, he hasn't. Now, Frank, suck me off."

He looked up at me with those pleading eyes of his, but I couldn't very well soften up. Not while I was getting my way. I nodded downwards expectantly. He crawled over to me and pulled my pants down to my knees, almost drunkenly. He yanked my boxers down with them, causing some friction and drawing a choked sound from me. Since he was used to it, there was no hesitation, just sucking. He only gave me that first look because I was being stern. I didn't care one way or the other at that moment because I was getting a blowjob and typically, you don't think of much else during that.

I moaned an 'mmh', or an 'oh' or a 'harder' occasionally, but when Frank felt I was about to blow, he stopped and slid back on the bed. I rolled my eyes, grunted, and looked at him. He had reached for the handcuffs and stammered out, "Could- could you help me with these?"

I smirked and practically pranced over to him, cuffing him to our headboard as he laid on his stomach. Thank god it was made from wrought-iron. "You're sure about this?" I suddenly thought to ask.

"Shut up and fuck me."

"Look who's making orders now!" I cracked the whip on the small of his back to remind him who was the Top, and he whimpered. I stepped out of my pants and grabbed a rubber from the pocket. Classy, right?

I wrapped myself and slid into him easily. We'd been doing this for a long time, so all Frank does is let out a yelp and I don't need to slow down. We've both learned how to relax into it within seconds. Before I closed my eyes and really started fucking him, I noticed that the cuffs were digging into his wrists as he was writhing around. Maybe that's why I closed my eyes.

We finished up and I rolled off of him, undoing the cuffs. Frank rubbed his wrists and I could tell he was gritting his teeth. "C'mere," I ordered.

He rolled over to me and I blew slightly on his wrists before I kissed the bright red rings where some skin had been rubbed off. "It's easy to forget about in the heat of the moment," I cooed. "But hey, we're married now."

Frank smiled. "We totally are. I never thought, in all my wildest- well, no. I mean, I thought about it, sure, but I didn't think it'd happen."

"You and me both," I said between kisses. "Surrealism at its finest."

"Agreed. But I've always been a big fan of surrealism."

"It's worked in our favour. You know, we should go buy a Dali print and just put it up in the living room for shits."

"Tomorrow," he concurred.

"Tomorrow."

I got up and threw out the used condom in the bathroom garbage can. I thought to grab a shower while I was in there.

When I got out, I wrapped a towel round my waist and ventured to the kitchen and got out two small Ziploc bags. I put three ice cubes in each, then wrapped them up with dish towels. I went back to our room, shimmied out of the towel and went over to Frank. He was still awake, but barely. He blinked his big eyes open as he saw that I was holding two of something. "Eh?" he murmured.

"So they don't swell. Your wrists, I mean."

Frank smiled widely and held his hands a little upwards. I slid one ice pack underneath them and then put one in the middle of them. He let them rest. "You're the greatest," he mumbled.

"Not compared to you."

"Mm," he murmured as sleep started to win the battle with consciousness. I stepped over to my side of the bed and slid in beside him. I was happy we'd gotten to venture into new things, but I thought that next time I'd let Frank be on top. Be a gentleman and that.

My dreams that night replayed the wedding ceremony and the part afterwards. It was like a highlights reel; only this time it was about something more interesting.

---

"The one with the clocks?" Frank asked me as he was looking over my shoulder at Dali paintings that came up when I searched his name on Google.

"That one's too… well, everyone knows it."

"You've got a point there. Ooh! That one!" he cried enthusiastically as I enlarged the painting with a tree, and a dude with curly hair and a nuclear cloud, and they looked similar. It was trippy indeed. I liked it, though. Really liked it.

"Alright, hubby," I said, smiling. "We shall print it out, then enlarge it further! Turn on the printer, please."

Frank poked the button and we wore idiotic smiles as it printed, and on the way to the Xerox place, while getting it printed and back home. Then came the problem.

"Now," I said, carrying the behemoth of a painting, "where the fuck do we put it?"

"Ummm…" slurred my wonderful husband. "There's a big enough wall over there, isn't there?"

"Frankie, our television eats up that wall."

"But of course… uh, what about in the _spare bedroom_!" Frank's voice went up an octave like it did whenever he got an idea midsentence. "And we could go get a couch to put in there since there's nothing anyways, and a bookshelf and a guitar for me, and, and-"

"Calm down, baby. But I do like where you're going with this. A tranquility room, kind of? And no noise. Acoustic guitars only. And no dirty things, either. No fucking in the peace room."

"Sounds fantastic! We'll just take it elsewhere, eh?"

"For sure. But why do I get the feeling the floor right outside the spare room is going to be stained and have permanent handprints on it?"

"Because, Gerard," Frank said coyly, "it will."


End file.
